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  1. Posted: June 28, 2013In: Public

    When a greiving Art Director discovers that a evil new government innitiative, threatens his Film school, he must break into the clients laborotory, destroying the alien counterparts saving S.I.F.A.- Alex P Smith

    Nicholas Andrew Halls Samurai
    Added an answer on June 28, 2013 at 5:37 pm

    *I meant, an evil agent that becomes your ANTAGONIST. whoops.

    *I meant, an evil agent that becomes your ANTAGONIST. whoops.

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  2. Posted: June 28, 2013In: Public

    When a greiving Art Director discovers that a evil new government innitiative, threatens his Film school, he must break into the clients laborotory, destroying the alien counterparts saving S.I.F.A.- Alex P Smith

    Nicholas Andrew Halls Samurai
    Added an answer on June 28, 2013 at 5:31 pm

    Hi Alex, without wanting to sound mean, I don't actually want to read the synopsis. Your logline should speak for the film on its own, and I shouldn't need supporting documentation to answers the above. I should know, from just the logline, who your movie is about, what they are trying to do, who isRead more

    Hi Alex, without wanting to sound mean, I don’t actually want to read the synopsis. Your logline should speak for the film on its own, and I shouldn’t need supporting documentation to answers the above. I should know, from just the logline, who your movie is about, what they are trying to do, who is trying to stop them, and why they are trying to do it. My concerns above, where I didn’t understand what was going on or why, are not necessarily because I am intrigued and want to find out more; it’s because your logline doesn’t provide them for me.

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  3. Posted: June 26, 2013In: Public

    Trouble occurs in the casino night clubs. Tough men and one woman are hired to control the crowds. Can they control themselves?

    Nicholas Andrew Halls Samurai
    Added an answer on June 28, 2013 at 4:55 pm

    If that's the plan, definitely drop the opening line (trouble occurs in the casino night clubs). Because, as far as narrative drama goes, trouble happens anywhere, and you're just wasting word count. The key to those other loglines is that their hook is quite strong; an invasion on independence day,Read more

    If that’s the plan, definitely drop the opening line (trouble occurs in the casino night clubs). Because, as far as narrative drama goes, trouble happens anywhere, and you’re just wasting word count.

    The key to those other loglines is that their hook is quite strong; an invasion on independence day, or a lawyer who can’t lie. A trio of bouncers who can’t control themselves (what does that mean) is not the same level of a hook. So if you want to one line to work, you’ll have to beef the hell out of that hook.

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