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When a young boy concludes rising sea levels will sink his dream island Tasmania, he must engage all strength to swim and fly to his paradise before time runs out.
I think it works, and I like the idea of a character that is deluded (or imaginative, considering your protagonist is a child) and doggedly pursuing a goal. I don't like the wording "his dream island Tasmania" ... it feels clunky. But bigger than that, I agree with the above that we as the audienceRead more
I think it works, and I like the idea of a character that is deluded (or imaginative, considering your protagonist is a child) and doggedly pursuing a goal.
I don’t like the wording “his dream island Tasmania” … it feels clunky. But bigger than that, I agree with the above that we as the audience want the character to have a stronger motivation to get there than just “he wants to.” The threat of it sinking is a nice way to force the character into action … and provides a way to crank up the stakes, but we definitely want there to be something there for him; family is the most primal and basic we can understand … especially if his continued survival depends on it.
“After the death of his mother, an adventurous orphan must cross the Bass Strait and find his estranged father before Tasmania is swallowed by the rising sea level.”
See lessWhen a greiving Art Director discovers that a evil new government innitiative, threatens his Film school, he must break into the clients laborotory, destroying the alien counterparts saving S.I.F.A.- Alex P Smith
I experience too many "what does that mean" moments when reading this logline for me to think "I both understand and want to see the story being described to me." How does a government initiative threaten the film school? In what way are they evil? Are the stakes higher than the closing of a schoolRead more
I experience too many “what does that mean” moments when reading this logline for me to think “I both understand and want to see the story being described to me.”
How does a government initiative threaten the film school? In what way are they evil? Are the stakes higher than the closing of a school and danger to the character’s livelihood? How will breaking into the laboratory and destroying the alien counterparts (what the heck is this?) help to protect the school from the government initiative?
Could you give the government a face? An evil agent that becomes your protagonist? What is your art director grieving?
See less"After his wife commits suicide, a renowned lifeguard learns that a close family member is the rapist. He must learn to forgive or drown in sea of anger and hate"
My concern with this story - that may stop me from wanting to see it - is that I feel that the lifeguard is justified feeling anger and a certain amount of hate after discovering that a family member is essentially responsible for making his wife kill herself. I don't see the urgency, or the imperatRead more
My concern with this story – that may stop me from wanting to see it – is that I feel that the lifeguard is justified feeling anger and a certain amount of hate after discovering that a family member is essentially responsible for making his wife kill herself. I don’t see the urgency, or the imperative, for the protagonist to learn forgiveness. I don’t see a quest or a reason to root for the protagonist to achieve this goal. Is there a reason he MUST learn to forgive, besides his own internal equilibrium?
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