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In the aftermath of divorce, an immortal, inflexible man needs to navigate the complex dating scene of the 21st century after 200 year of marriage if he is to ever find love again.
The divorce is the event, which is fine, but "navigate the complex dating scene" is not clear enough of an objective goal (he should be trying to find a suitable partner), not a particularly compelling action for him to take. At the same time, the stakes feel super low, partly because he's immortalRead more
The divorce is the event, which is fine, but “navigate the complex dating scene” is not clear enough of an objective goal (he should be trying to find a suitable partner), not a particularly compelling action for him to take. At the same time, the stakes feel super low, partly because he’s immortal and can take all the time in the world, and partly because there’s no urgency for him to achieve anything other than ‘navigate’ the dating scene.
I would also question why him being important is not only relevant but necessary. The same “dating is weird in the modern age” concept could be managed with an 80 year old, or a 50 year old … hell, if it was about someone who got married straight out of high school and got divorced when he was 25, when the rest of his buds were in the prime of their dating lives, you’d get the same mileage out of the concept.
My suggestions:
Lose the immortality angle.
See lessFind higher stakes for him to want to find a partner (ie. he has a kid and the child is acting up or self harming; he figures it’s because of the divorce and he has to hurry to find a ‘replacement mum’ for the kid).
Be clearer about the objective goal.
In the aftermath of divorce, an immortal, inflexible man needs to navigate the complex dating scene of the 21st century after 200 year of marriage if he is to ever find love again.
The divorce is the event, which is fine, but "navigate the complex dating scene" is not clear enough of an objective goal (he should be trying to find a suitable partner), not a particularly compelling action for him to take. At the same time, the stakes feel super low, partly because he's immortalRead more
The divorce is the event, which is fine, but “navigate the complex dating scene” is not clear enough of an objective goal (he should be trying to find a suitable partner), not a particularly compelling action for him to take. At the same time, the stakes feel super low, partly because he’s immortal and can take all the time in the world, and partly because there’s no urgency for him to achieve anything other than ‘navigate’ the dating scene.
I would also question why him being important is not only relevant but necessary. The same “dating is weird in the modern age” concept could be managed with an 80 year old, or a 50 year old … hell, if it was about someone who got married straight out of high school and got divorced when he was 25, when the rest of his buds were in the prime of their dating lives, you’d get the same mileage out of the concept.
My suggestions:
Lose the immortality angle.
See lessFind higher stakes for him to want to find a partner (ie. he has a kid and the child is acting up or self harming; he figures it’s because of the divorce and he has to hurry to find a ‘replacement mum’ for the kid).
Be clearer about the objective goal.
When the fantasy universe he wakes up in turns out to be an hallucination while he’s in a coma, a detached schoolboy must defeat the world’s evil king to regain consciousness; or pass on to the afterlife if he fails.
@dpg why does there need to be a stakes character? Why isn't his survival stakes enough?
dpg why does there need to be a stakes character? Why isn’t his survival stakes enough?
See less