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  1. Posted: September 30, 2014In: Public

    After the death of his wife, An expert salesman is sent to prison and his children put in to care. Upon his release, He and his confident lawyer brother will take on the courts for custody however will his disabled daughter and young son have adapted to their surroundings and be too little too late.

    Nicholas Andrew Halls Samurai
    Added an answer on October 1, 2014 at 4:54 pm

    ^ Agree pretty much with dpg's iteration of the logline and his suggestion ... but I'd say that "struggle to reconcile" doesn't feel particularly compelling to me. I like the concept of fighting for custody of them ... simply because I can visualise how that ends, for good or bad. I find it really hRead more

    ^ Agree pretty much with dpg’s iteration of the logline and his suggestion … but I’d say that “struggle to reconcile” doesn’t feel particularly compelling to me. I like the concept of fighting for custody of them … simply because I can visualise how that ends, for good or bad. I find it really hard to envision “reconciliation” as a cinematic goal … unless he’s physically a long way from them and the story is his journey to find them.

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  2. Posted: October 1, 2014In: Public

    When his Time Machine gets stolen, the time-traveler that runs away from responsibility must stop his mad-with-power best friend from ruling time and space, and save the world.

    Nicholas Andrew Halls Samurai
    Added an answer on October 1, 2014 at 4:50 pm

    Everything is much too vague. Who has stolen his time machine? It is hinted that it's his friend ... but be specific. How specifically is this 'mad-with-power friend' going to use the time machine to dominate both space and time? Is he planning on going back to the big bang and snuffing out all exisRead more

    Everything is much too vague.

    Who has stolen his time machine? It is hinted that it’s his friend … but be specific.
    How specifically is this ‘mad-with-power friend’ going to use the time machine to dominate both space and time? Is he planning on going back to the big bang and snuffing out all existence? Is he planning on setting himself up as Jesus? What actually happens in your film?
    How does stopping the friend’s plan actually save the world? In what was it in jeopardy?

    “runs away from responsibility” can be shortened to “irresponsible”.
    “mad-with-power” can be shortened to “megalomaniacal”

    Is “friend” the best word to describe the function of this character in the world of your film?

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  3. Posted: October 1, 2014In: Public

    When his Time Machine gets stolen, the time-traveler that runs away from responsibility must stop his mad-with-power best friend from ruling time and space, and save the world.

    Nicholas Andrew Halls Samurai
    Added an answer on October 1, 2014 at 4:50 pm

    Everything is much too vague. Who has stolen his time machine? It is hinted that it's his friend ... but be specific. How specifically is this 'mad-with-power friend' going to use the time machine to dominate both space and time? Is he planning on going back to the big bang and snuffing out all exisRead more

    Everything is much too vague.

    Who has stolen his time machine? It is hinted that it’s his friend … but be specific.
    How specifically is this ‘mad-with-power friend’ going to use the time machine to dominate both space and time? Is he planning on going back to the big bang and snuffing out all existence? Is he planning on setting himself up as Jesus? What actually happens in your film?
    How does stopping the friend’s plan actually save the world? In what was it in jeopardy?

    “runs away from responsibility” can be shortened to “irresponsible”.
    “mad-with-power” can be shortened to “megalomaniacal”

    Is “friend” the best word to describe the function of this character in the world of your film?

    See less
    • 0
    • Share
      Share
      • Share on Facebook
      • Share on Twitter
      • Share on LinkedIn
      • Share on WhatsApp
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