1. Posted: October 15, 2016In:

    When a deadly contagion is unleashed, a DC insider tries to maintain his humanity while dealing with worldwide chaos and wrestling with the dilemma: How far will you go to survive when everything you love is gone?

    Nina Logliner

    I can see where you are going with this but it needs to be more specific. I am assuming your DC insider is one of those slick lobbyist whose allegiance is to whoever pays them? Herein lies his flaw. State the dilemma clearly in your logline: he has to choose between maybe a wife who has left him, buRead more

    I can see where you are going with this but it needs to be more specific.

    I am assuming your DC insider is one of those slick lobbyist whose allegiance is to whoever pays them? Herein lies his flaw.

    State the dilemma clearly in your logline: he has to choose between maybe a wife who has left him, but still loves him, or his client, a drug company that has a vaccine he can use but only if he will do this one dispicable thing.? You must give him an actionable goal. Maintaining his humanity is not a goal. Your second sentence: How far will you go etc. should be implied in the logline not stated in the logline.

    Hope this gives you something to ponder.

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  2. Posted: October 21, 2016In:

    When parts of his life, including memories of his late family, are erased, a black market memories dealer must retrieve his life backup file to restore his past.

    Nina Logliner

    I think the crux of this is the why. Why does he need to restore his past? What happens if he doesn't? This will give us the stakes which must be high.

    I think the crux of this is the why. Why does he need to restore his past? What happens if he doesn’t? This will give us the stakes which must be high.

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  3. Posted: October 23, 2016In:

    Losing hope she?ll be rescued, a brutally assaulted young woman despairs over ?what ifs? and seeks peace for all that will never be in the moments before her death.

    Nina Logliner

    There are similarities to the movie Fruitvale Station in your logline, and is a must see as it to begins with the death of the protagonist. My suggestion is to focus on a particular regret or misdeed in her life that is engaging; this raises the emotions of the audience and poignancy of the story beRead more

    There are similarities to the movie Fruitvale Station in your logline, and is a must see as it to begins with the death of the protagonist. My suggestion is to focus on a particular regret or misdeed in her life that is engaging; this raises the emotions of the audience and poignancy of the story because we know how it will end.

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