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Two recusant boys have 36 hours to reach the historic return of the first spacecraft to contact alien life after their plan to surreptitiously view it in a friends dorm is obstructed by the boarding schools strictly enforced orthodox precepts.
Thanks for the guidance dpg, its certainly helping clarify the concept for me. Is a singular hook prominent in?this revision (Trying to focus on the boys journey: inciting incident, flawed character, goal)? When an alien vessel arrives on earth, two devout boys are undeniably drawn across the wastelRead more
Thanks for the guidance dpg, its certainly helping clarify the concept for me. Is a singular hook prominent in?this revision (Trying to focus on the boys journey: inciting incident, flawed character, goal)?
When an alien vessel arrives on earth, two devout boys are undeniably drawn across the wasteland to falsify their strictly religious commune after all media coverage is censored.
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See lessTwo recusant boys have 36 hours to reach the historic return of the first spacecraft to contact alien life after their plan to surreptitiously view it in a friends dorm is obstructed by the boarding schools strictly enforced orthodox precepts.
I would say I am more interested in exploring the teens interpersonal conflict of faith incited by the arrival of aliens rather than exploring humankind at large because I feel like that is a story which has been done before (Contact, Close Encounters, Arrival etc). The challenges they face within tRead more
I would say I am more interested in exploring the teens interpersonal conflict of faith incited by the arrival of aliens rather than exploring humankind at large because I feel like that is a story which has been done before (Contact, Close Encounters, Arrival etc).
The challenges they face within the microcosm of their journey are a metaphor for humankind.
The overarching conflict is the physical journey to witness the aliens, followed by the conflict between the boys faith and their religious upbringing, followed (in the background) by the conflict between humankind and its disagreements about what the arrival means.
Re-Draft 1?(Aliens not mentioned)
With their orthodox commune debating an apocalyptic fate, two rebellious boys embroil their indoctrinated friend in a perilous journey across the machine zone to falsify their faith and save their families.
Re-Draft 2 (Aliens mentioned)
As humankind grapples with the unprecedented arrival of an alien craft, two rebellious boys embroil their indoctrinated friend in a perilous journey across the machine zone to meet the vessel and save their strictly religious families from an apocalyptic fate.
Is the logline improving or am I just reorganizing the same adjectives and verbs?
Foxtrot25 was concerned with the lack of focus on the aliens themselves, do you think there is adequate conflict elsewhere in the logline to warrant investigation?
See lessTo avenge his mentor?s murder, an assassin who turned his back on the intelligence world returns, discovers he?s no longer the hunter, but the hunted and has to stop them before they destroy the core principles of the countries founders.
A solid improvement over your first draft. And Foxtrot25s redraft is a further improvement. Though,?I am having difficulty seeing how solving the government problem relates to avenging his mentor's murder? Was his mentor involved in preserving the integrity of the country?
A solid improvement over your first draft. And Foxtrot25s redraft is a further improvement. Though,?I am having difficulty seeing how solving the government problem relates to avenging his mentor’s murder? Was his mentor involved in preserving the integrity of the country?
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