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In order to say goodbye to his dying mother, an exiled gangster turned priest must finally face his past.
That's a good first half of a logline, but you stop right when things get interesting -- Tell us what he must do, what he must overcome in order to say goodbye to his mother. The stakes are clear, as is some urgency with the ticking clock of her imminent death. There's also some great irony in a ganRead more
That’s a good first half of a logline, but you stop right when things get interesting — Tell us what he must do, what he must overcome in order to say goodbye to his mother. The stakes are clear, as is some urgency with the ticking clock of her imminent death. There’s also some great irony in a gangster turned priest, we’re just missing that last element so we can accurately see this movie in our mind.
See lessWhen the mysterious knight who slaughtered his village?returns, a distrustful werewolf reluctantly teams with a rebellious human princess to track the knight down before he starts a war between humans and fantasy creatures.
I would go with: A distrustful werewolf must team up with a human princess to stop a vengeful knight from starting a war between humans and fantasy creatures. The backstory as to what the knight did in the past is useful for the story, but not necessary in the logline. It would be better to iRead more
I would go with:
A distrustful werewolf must team up with a human princess to stop a vengeful knight from starting a war between humans and fantasy creatures.
The backstory as to what the knight did in the past is useful for the story, but not necessary in the logline. It would be better to include why it is this werewolf and princess that can stop him, rather than giving the motivation. Given the stakes, backstory motivation isn’t required as part of the hook.
See lessAfter a night out drowning her sorrows, a lonely woman wakes up next to a man she just met and discovers they are on his boat in the middle of the ocean and it?s sinking fast.
Or alternative based on the guidelines: When a lonely woman finds herself in the middle of the ocean in a sinking boat with a mysterious man she just met, she must employ all her resourcefulness to keep it afloat.
Or alternative based on the guidelines:
When a lonely woman finds herself in the middle of the ocean in a sinking boat with a mysterious man she just met, she must employ all her resourcefulness to keep it afloat.
See less