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Edit2 – When a man inherits his father?s fortune he is shot while he sleeps, he wakes to his final day on earth rewinding around him and must figure out who shot him before he bleeds to death.
The first two parts are redundant - fatally wounded means nothing if he's already dead. It's also unclear whether the day occurs backwards or just repeats. And whether it repeats more than once. Also - why does he get this second chance? I figure that would be a key selling point and what makes it dRead more
The first two parts are redundant – fatally wounded means nothing if he’s already dead.
It’s also unclear whether the day occurs backwards or just repeats. And whether it repeats more than once.
Also – why does he get this second chance? I figure that would be a key selling point and what makes it different from all the other versions of this idea.
Lastly – is there two versions of himself? Otherwise stopping yourself from doing something that you don’t want to do is kind of easy.
A dead man finds his final day on Earth rewinding and must undo the events that lead to his demise.
See lessWhen a building closes up for the night, locking an ordinary employee inside, the employee finds a beautiful woman that turns his night in a living horror and psychological terror in which he must survive the night to make it end.
What kind of building? What kind of employee? What type of person is he? And why can't he just leave the building? What kind of living horror and psychological terror? I like the contained nature, the stakes, the goal - but the setup needs to be more specific if you want to hook an audience.
What kind of building?
What kind of employee?
What type of person is he?
And why can’t he just leave the building?
What kind of living horror and psychological terror?
I like the contained nature, the stakes, the goal – but the setup needs to be more specific if you want to hook an audience.
See lessWhen a paranoid new king starts burning women at the stake, a mysterious outsider must embrace both her destiny and the ancient Hermetic ways to change the course of history.
There's a hint of a story there but the logline is currently too vague. "Mysterious outsider" - this appears to be your main character and therefore cannot be mysterious. How can we envision your story if we don't even know who we're following? Forget embracing destiny (doesn't everyone?), forgettinRead more
There’s a hint of a story there but the logline is currently too vague.
“Mysterious outsider” – this appears to be your main character and therefore cannot be mysterious. How can we envision your story if we don’t even know who we’re following?
Forget embracing destiny (doesn’t everyone?), forgetting changing history (doesn’t everyone?) – tell us specifically what she must to do triumph. Must she overthrow the king? Assassinate the king?
Plus what are the stakes – is she in line to be burnt at the stake?
I think there’s a story under there but right now it’s hidden away.
See less