1. Posted: October 16, 2017In:

    When two inmates realise that no one is on their side, together they must navigate an uneasy friendship to set each other free.

    Paul Clarke Samurai

    Hi Brandz, I think 'realise' is a very uncinematic and uninteresting action. Perhaps something more dramatic like "When all their closest friends betray them, two..." And tells us what specifically about these two makes them unlikely allies. That is probably your hook. We must see how that clash wouRead more

    Hi Brandz,

    I think ‘realise’ is a very uncinematic and uninteresting action. Perhaps something more dramatic like “When all their closest friends betray them, two…”

    And tells us what specifically about these two makes them unlikely allies. That is probably your hook. We must see how that clash would make everything so much more interesting. All good buddy-cop films rely on this, the contrast and conflict between the two main characters does many great things for your story, so use it as your hook. An ‘uneasy friendship’ is not going to be enough. They need to be polar opposites. For example the leader of a white supremacist gang and his rival from the Mexicans or African-Americans – straight away we can visualize the action and see how difficult the task would be, and you get to discus your theme without being on the nose.

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  2. Posted: June 13, 2017In:

    When a self-absorbed desert-trawling truckie falls for a devoted mother and city writer online, he must take responsibility for his own son, before winning her heart or losing his last chance for true love.

    Paul Clarke Samurai

    I love the 'self-absorbed' part. Leave that in. Last I checked Tom Cruise was pretty self absorbed in Rain Man and the Oscar people didn't seem to mind. ?It's the reason he will have trouble taking responsibility for his son, because clearly he usually only cares about himself. Also, it's a lot moreRead more

    I love the ‘self-absorbed’ part. Leave that in. Last I checked Tom Cruise was pretty self absorbed in Rain Man and the Oscar people didn’t seem to mind. ?It’s the reason he will have trouble taking responsibility for his son, because clearly he usually only cares about himself.

    Also, it’s a lot more specific and interesting than lonely. I’d watch a high-flawed self-absorbed character learn their lesson any day, over a moping lonely dude who spends all his time on the road.

    I would chance desert trawling to long-haul truck driver as that paints a clearer picture of him and his occupation. Desert trawler is trying to hard and makes him sound more like something out of Mad Max, where he spends his days search the post-apocalyptic desert trawling for resources.

    I don’t think the fact that they met online adds anything. In fact personally that makes it sound boring, I would consider changing it, and certainly leave it out of the logline.

    And I would structure the second half. Cut back on the romance, it’s implied. Just so long as it is the goal. So something like this:

    To win the heart of a big city writer, self-absorbed long-haul trucker must first take responsibility for his own estranged son.

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  3. Posted: November 4, 2015In:

    Two young men with opposite lives from opposite sides of the world unwittingly exchange destinies as one encounters the other, and the other encounters a vision of God.

    Paul Clarke Samurai

    I would sum up this logline in one word - Vague. The purpose of the logline it so we (or a potential producer, actor, director, etc) can imagine the movie, and hopefully it intrigues them enough to want to find out more. But from this logline we could imagine a thousand different versions of the movRead more

    I would sum up this logline in one word – Vague.

    The purpose of the logline it so we (or a potential producer, actor, director, etc) can imagine the movie, and hopefully it intrigues them enough to want to find out more. But from this logline we could imagine a thousand different versions of the movie and be none the wiser what yours was supposed to be.

    Try including some specifics.

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