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CELTIC BAYOU embodies the triumph of the human spirit against all odds, as it tells the story of Gretchen Stevens, a teen-aged pupil at an all-girls dance academy who must confront a tyrannical substitute teacher, devious fellow students, past physical injuries and her own troubled past; all of which stand between her and her life’s dream.
This is more of a mini-synopsis rather than a logline. No need to include title or the character's name. Or the 'triumph of the human spirit' mumbo jumbo - save that for the posters Instead give us some specific and interesting trait so we get an idea what kind of person she is. And make all the othRead more
This is more of a mini-synopsis rather than a logline. No need to include title or the character’s name. Or the ‘triumph of the human spirit’ mumbo jumbo – save that for the posters
Instead give us some specific and interesting trait so we get an idea what kind of person she is. And make all the other details more specific as well. Things like ‘troubled past’ could be anything, so it doesn’t help give us an idea for the movie you’re proposing.
If you could also introduce a specific goal (graduate, get a certain role, etc) – that would also help.
See lessA soon-to-be heiress must overcome her atheism to make amends for her father’s past to inherit his fortune, but when Satan intervenes, it becomes a fight for her future.
Atheism isn't a flaw to be overcome. It would make more sense to describe her as a skeptic. Other than that, like Nir mentioned, it's a hot mess of story elements that don't easy form a coherent story.
Atheism isn’t a flaw to be overcome. It would make more sense to describe her as a skeptic.
Other than that, like Nir mentioned, it’s a hot mess of story elements that don’t easy form a coherent story.
See lessIn order to take care of her recently orphaned younger sister, a broke twentysomething decides to sleep around with married men with the intention of blackmailing them, lest she expose them for their infidelity.
Even if she's doing it for her younger sister, it still seems a touch too callous. Does it have to be several married men? Wouldn't targeting a single, high-profile?married?man be the best way to go. Surely that would be enough money to get by, and any more would seem greedy. The last line about - lRead more
Even if she’s doing it for her younger sister, it still seems a touch too callous. Does it have to be several married men? Wouldn’t targeting a single, high-profile?married?man be the best way to go. Surely that would be enough money to get by, and any more would seem greedy.
The last line about – lest she expose them for their infidelity – is completely unnecessary. Obviously that is the case. I would prefer if the male target she went after was already having an affair (and hitting on her) and she just decided to take advantage of the situation to benefit her sister. If the man was her boss or something like that it would also add interesting complications.
To provide for her orphaned sister, a young woman accepts the sexual advances of her sleazy boss with the intention of blackmailing him later.
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