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On the run from a determined street enforcer, a young Londoner will do anything and everything to avoid capture but the enforcer has pledged to kill himself in the event of failure.
Reads fine. Captures my attention and makes me interested. By the way, are you a Golden Dawn fan or a member?
Reads fine. Captures my attention and makes me interested. By the way, are you a Golden Dawn fan or a member?
See lessThe attempted assassination of a bright young politician sends his devoted wife down a reckless path toward the one man who can save him ? but whose unethical treatment leaves the patient with a murderous appetite.
The first line is fine to grab attention. Get rid of the rest of it,' but whose unethical treatment leaves the patient with a murderous appetite'.
The first line is fine to grab attention. Get rid of the rest of it,’ but whose unethical treatment leaves the patient with a murderous appetite’.
See lessAbandoned with her two children in a large dismal house, a young woman must fight against ghosts until one day when …
It builds suspense, but I assume a fight against ghosts would be suspense filled. I don't believe you need the 'when.' It makes it awkward.
It builds suspense, but I assume a fight against ghosts would be suspense filled. I don’t believe you need the ‘when.’ It makes it awkward.
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