1. Posted: September 12, 2013In:

    An unimaginative accountant who hates musicals is transported to an alternate universe where everybody sing and dance. He struggles to return to his own universe before he succumbs to the compulsion of joining in.

    pmd

    Is there a way of succinctly describing how he is transported between universes and, more importantly, how "he struggles to return to his own universe?"

    Is there a way of succinctly describing how he is transported between universes and, more importantly, how “he struggles to return to his own universe?”

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  2. Posted: September 12, 2013In:

    After reuniting with and marrying his childhood friend, an aspiring writer tries to build a normal life in the wake of getting dragged into the murder of an arsonist that killed his wife's father when they were kids, only to find that there is no "normal."

    pmd

    Thanks for all the responses. I knew this wasn't perfect when I put it up. All of your comments make sense, but the bigger thing I'm taking from them is that, despite this being too wordy, it doesn't convey the story enough. Do either of these seem clearer and/or stronger: 1. A man reunites and fallRead more

    Thanks for all the responses. I knew this wasn’t perfect when I put it up. All of your comments make sense, but the bigger thing I’m taking from them is that, despite this being too wordy, it doesn’t convey the story enough.

    Do either of these seem clearer and/or stronger:

    1. A man reunites and falls in love with his childhood friend, becomes an accomplice when she kills a man in revenge, and will do anything to build what he things is a normal life around her increasing instability.

    2. A man must reconcile his guilt from witnessing an arsonist set a fire that killed his neighbor when he falls in love with that neighbors daughter years later.

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  3. Posted: September 12, 2013In:

    After reuniting with and marrying his childhood friend, an aspiring writer tries to build a normal life in the wake of getting dragged into the murder of an arsonist that killed his wife's father when they were kids, only to find that there is no "normal."

    pmd

    Thanks for the input. The inciting incident is the reuniting with the childhood friend. The murder of the arsonist happens around the end of the first act.

    Thanks for the input. The inciting incident is the reuniting with the childhood friend. The murder of the arsonist happens around the end of the first act.

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