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After falling through a wormhole, a powerful young superhero with supernatural power is thrown through a whirlwind when he finds himself in the "Real World" where he and his adventures have been nothing more than a series of books.
A little wordy, but I like the concept. This is a good set-up, but it doesn't really tell us what the story's about. It feels like this is what happens in Act One. A few things to consider: -What's your hero's goal? Getting home? Proving he's real? -Now that he's "here", what happens now? Is he on hRead more
A little wordy, but I like the concept. This is a good set-up, but it doesn’t really tell us what the story’s about. It feels like this is what happens in Act One.
A few things to consider:
-What’s your hero’s goal? Getting home? Proving he’s real?
-Now that he’s “here”, what happens now? Is he on his own? Does a “regular person” help him? What’s the primary storyline?
-Any superhero-based story needs a villain. Who’s his, and what role does he play in the overall story?
-“powerful young superhero with supernatural powers” is too much of the same thing. “Young superhero” works fine. Same with “wormhole” and “whirlwind”. I’d keep the former.
-What kind of guy is he? Brash? Egotistical? Naive? What adjective best describes him?
The more I think about this, the more it seems similar to LAST ACTION HERO. Not a great movie, but maybe worth watching to see how the story compares to yours.
Good luck!
See lessA young Dutch woman is kidnapped by German agents who steal her fortune in diamonds and shoot her in an unsuccessful art sting, finally defeats her nemesis to recover her birthright and protect the man she shares it with. This is the second play in a trilogy and any comments would be appreciated.
I've read all three of your loglines, and each one follows the recurring theme of "some high-octane action set pieces" and "vague objectives and goals". I'm all for a good adventure-type good vs evil story, but you're missing the vital information that needs to be presented. Here's all you need: 1.Read more
I’ve read all three of your loglines, and each one follows the recurring theme of “some high-octane action set pieces” and “vague objectives and goals”. I’m all for a good adventure-type good vs evil story, but you’re missing the vital information that needs to be presented.
Here’s all you need:
1. main character with a flaw (Focus on the main storyline and don’t throw in subplots!)
2. antagonist with a goal (most likely one that counteracts the MC’s)
3. What’s the MC’s primary goal?
3. What happens if they fail?
Consider this:
“An adventuring archaeologist must race around the globe to single-handedly prevent the Nazis from turning the greatest archaeological relic of all time into a weapon of world conquest.”
Notice what’s included and what isn’t? See if you can apply the same formula to your story.
Good luck!
See lessA young Dutch woman is kidnapped by German agents who steal her fortune in diamonds and shoot her in an unsuccessful art sting, finally defeats her nemesis to recover her birthright and protect the man she shares it with. This is the second play in a trilogy and any comments would be appreciated.
I've read all three of your loglines, and each one follows the recurring theme of "some high-octane action set pieces" and "vague objectives and goals". I'm all for a good adventure-type good vs evil story, but you're missing the vital information that needs to be presented. Here's all you need: 1.Read more
I’ve read all three of your loglines, and each one follows the recurring theme of “some high-octane action set pieces” and “vague objectives and goals”. I’m all for a good adventure-type good vs evil story, but you’re missing the vital information that needs to be presented.
Here’s all you need:
1. main character with a flaw (Focus on the main storyline and don’t throw in subplots!)
2. antagonist with a goal (most likely one that counteracts the MC’s)
3. What’s the MC’s primary goal?
3. What happens if they fail?
Consider this:
“An adventuring archaeologist must race around the globe to single-handedly prevent the Nazis from turning the greatest archaeological relic of all time into a weapon of world conquest.”
Notice what’s included and what isn’t? See if you can apply the same formula to your story.
Good luck!
See less