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When a crew of mismatched oilfield workers stay late to finish a job in the middle of nowhere, they are attacked by bloodthirsty monsters. They’ll have to band together to fight through blood guts, and teeth if they want to live to see another sunrise.
Okay, with such a remote location, the state isn't necessary.While it still doesn't intrigue me, see if this helps to clarify the next attempt: After bloodsucking creatures attack an oilfield that is hours from the nearest town, the first female (worker or driller or x) must...The respect part isn'tRead more
Okay, with such a remote location, the state isn’t necessary.
While it still doesn’t intrigue me, see if this helps to clarify the next attempt: After bloodsucking creatures attack an oilfield that is hours from the nearest town, the first female (worker or driller or x) must…
The respect part isn’t needed in the logline and would be implied by clarifying that she’s the first woman. First day is now a secondary detail.
Considering the angle that she’s the first woman, it’s natural that what she must do is save the men…in a specific way, as was mentioned. And yet, this ‘first woman’ angle feels less-than-natural within ‘vampires in oilfield.’ Consider being direct and exploring the oil sin or consider another setting or another protag.
What’s the main thing motivating you to write this? The idea can evolve in different ways if one focuses on ‘oilfield horror,’ or ‘old-school vampires’ or ‘first woman,’ While each is clear and has potential, and the first and third can work together, all three together feels fuzzy.
See lessAfter discovering his travelling companion has a bag of cash a man starts a conversation hoping to blackmail him. When that fails he threatens violence that escalates into murder.
Next logline attempt, try for more of an A Story than the two talking. Or add details to help us imagine lengthy dialogues because even the responses make it seem like they only have one thing to talk about. It seems better if the car does not break down early on...a road trip (doesn't have to be faRead more
Next logline attempt, try for more of an A Story than the two talking. Or add details to help us imagine lengthy dialogues because even the responses make it seem like they only have one thing to talk about. It seems better if the car does not break down early on…a road trip (doesn’t have to be far) with obstacles, opportunities, and variety along the way.
What are they waiting for? I thought they’re talking and walking along the way? How can they be so far from help? If you don’t do this yourself, consider setting it in today’s world and figure out another solution to the help part. Even for yourself, are the extra challenges worth it? Would 1980 help or hurt the marketing of a movie that lacks a substantial reason for being set in 1980?
As for helping, I said that because of experience where most writers working on a logline for marketing- after the script is complete- are much less able to see room for improving the story. Plus, with all the loglines here and free time being limited…
See lessWhen a commuters’ activist group throws the bar car onto the tracks, lonely office drone Donald Brewster and his boozy compatriot patrons must make a case for saving the raucous rail-car or risk losing their home-on-the-way-home.
Instead of saving the bar car, the boozy compatriots want to end it? The first one is relatable and sounds like a midlife crisis story where they want to hang on to their vices and crutches and wrong behavior. Perhaps the story is about the last few days with the bar service as they deal with theirRead more
Instead of saving the bar car, the boozy compatriots want to end it? The first one is relatable and sounds like a midlife crisis story where they want to hang on to their vices and crutches and wrong behavior. Perhaps the story is about the last few days with the bar service as they deal with their personal issues and mark the end of an era.
If it’s really about the protag(s) ending the service, then it’s hard to care for him despite the merit in his objective. He’s the party-pooper, the a-hole not minding his own business.
Is most of the script on the train?
I’ll stop there because another logline attempt is in order to clarify the intention.
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