1. Posted: March 29, 2019In:

    (REVISED) When his mother is inexplicably resurrected after her ?end-of-life? party, a Christian grief counselor convinces his family it?s a miracle by hiding the truth ? she?s returned with a growing bloodlust.

    Robb Ross Samurai

    Oops is right about the mother-son angle! However, in my defense that may have happened because the logline lacks the meat of the story and what makes it a true family conflict. >> why he would spin her return as miraculous. Along with the abomination comment, this conflict of miracle vs monstRead more

    Oops is right about the mother-son angle! However, in my defense that may have happened because the logline lacks the meat of the story and what makes it a true family conflict.

    >> why he would spin her return as miraculous.

    Along with the abomination comment, this conflict of miracle vs monster or whatever can be sharper. That the family needs anyone to say it’s a miracle is odd. Or if they’re extreme Christians, perhaps the concern is more about personal taste as such characters are overplayed right now.

    >> a conflict of interest

    That’s before she dies. When she returns, what exactly is the religious issue for him?? At this moment, I can picture? the broadstrokes of a story where a? non-religious family deals with Mom’s resurrection and bloodlust (including? one keeping secrets, at least temporarily, from the rest). Where it gets fuzzy is the Christian part.

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  2. Posted: March 29, 2019In:

    (REVISED) When his mother is inexplicably resurrected after her ?end-of-life? party, a Christian grief counselor convinces his family it?s a miracle by hiding the truth ? she?s returned with a growing bloodlust.

    Robb Ross Samurai

    I didn't follow the first one so this is all new to me.? For the next take...Why is a grief counselor needed? For that kind of party, just about everyone is past the worst of the emotions. What's ironic about him or how does he add? extra conflict? Look to create more of a mental picture of what hapRead more

    I didn’t follow the first one so this is all new to me.? For the next take…

    Why is a grief counselor needed? For that kind of party, just about everyone is past the worst of the emotions. What’s ironic about him or how does he add? extra conflict?

    Look to create more of a mental picture of what happens in most of the story. Does the mother kill people and the protag covers it up? Is there a revenge aspect? Is it more about preventing a deadly outcome and he? covers up or excuses odd behavior?

    A clearer sense of most of the story should also sharpen the stakes.

    The Christian aspect seems superfluous when they witness the miracle and it’s not like a resurrected person is an abomination.

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  3. Posted: March 28, 2019In:

    When his stepdad, out of frustration, accidentally tells him his real father is Santa Claus, an autistic 12 year old sets out on Christmas Eve to find him.

    Robb Ross Samurai

    Cute idea.The blurting out is secondary, no? The man can get drunk and spill the secret, the kid can stumble upon a video or picture that reveals the truth...and it's the same story. If yes, cut the detail from the logline. "After learning that his real father is Santa Claus..."For a high-concept stRead more

    Cute idea.

    The blurting out is secondary, no? The man can get drunk and spill the secret, the kid can stumble upon a video or picture that reveals the truth…and it’s the same story. If yes, cut the detail from the logline. “After learning that his real father is Santa Claus…“

    For a high-concept story of “Boy looks for his real father, Santa,’ the addition of him being autistic feels like a distraction or second hook. I’d like to read/see a romcom with a teen or adult who’s autistic or a horror with such a protag or mc. But for this novel scenario, consider a kid who represents many more people.

    Next take, look to create more of a mental picture of what happens in most of Act II. Where does the boy go? How? Alone? Is it a road trip?

    What are the stakes? Seems the boy still has his mother, the step-dad sounds normal enough…what exactly propels him and what would happen if he does not find Santa Daddy?

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