1. Posted: June 14, 2017In:

    Question: I suspect that most people here, like me, struggle to focus on the part of their story that’s important to logline. Mine is a complex of murders, mainly focused around concealing a galactic insurance fraud but including some revenge attempts by the contract killer. From MC’s perspective, there are multiple murders, a possible insurance fraud, the prime murderer is specifically after him and/or his family for revenge… Can people please suggest how to choose which elements/plot lines to logline and which to leave for the synopsis. e.g. in the movie “UP”, which is the more important: Carl reaching the Falls to fulfil his promise, Carl’s redemption, Carl speudo-adopting Russell.. etc.

    RussellN Samurai

    Thanks to all for your valuable responses. ?I will take time to?absorb them and rework my efforts. ?I hope others read the answers and learn as well.again. Thanks

    Thanks to all for your valuable responses. ?I will take time to?absorb them and rework my efforts. ?I hope others read the answers and learn as well.again.

    Thanks

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  2. Posted: June 13, 2017In:

    When a self-absorbed desert-trawling truckie falls for a devoted mother and city writer online, he must take responsibility for his own son, before winning her heart or losing his last chance for true love.

    RussellN Samurai

    Hmmmm.... Not grabbing me. ?Self-absorbed - hate him already so don;t want him as MC. ? Leave that out of the logline unless it's VERY important to the story. ?Desert trawling: perhaps say loner; Why must he take responsibility for his own son? ?That seems to be an important issue ?so focus on it moRead more

    Hmmmm…. Not grabbing me. ?Self-absorbed – hate him already so don;t want him as MC. ? Leave that out of the logline unless it’s VERY important to the story. ?Desert trawling: perhaps say loner; Why must he take responsibility for his own son? ?That seems to be an important issue ?so focus on it more. ? And note: 90 year old find love in aged care homes, so it’s not his last chance. Make her his soul-mate and show why it has to be?NOW and not in five or more years.

    Not easy, I know. ?But how about: “When a lonely, divorced truck driver learns his son will soon be orphaned, he woos his?internet soul-mate to turn friendship into love”

    Not saying it’s a good logline because it doesn’t “grab” the interest, and the experts will probably castigate me, but I’m just trying to get you to change your?perspective (took me ages to change mine!!!) ?Try to think: What would lure the consumer to spend their hard earned cash to see this movie when they don’t know the storyline like I do?

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  3. Posted: June 13, 2017In:

    When his medication suddenly stops working, a contentedly married man must endure terrifying Hypnotic Regressions in search of an answer to his mysterious and debilitating condition. (26)

    RussellN Samurai

    From my perspective, you don't need the suddenly - it's almost implicit by being the inciting incident. ?I suggest THE answer, not AN answer because it gives more importance. ?and no need for mysterious - if he's searching for the cure then the illness must be mysterious. ?And instead of condition,Read more

    From my perspective, you don’t need the suddenly – it’s almost implicit by being the inciting incident. ?I suggest THE answer, not AN answer because it gives more importance. ?and no need for mysterious – if he’s searching for the cure then the illness must be mysterious. ?And instead of condition, use a stronger word like illness or syndrome or one of the other synonyms (use your thesaurus).

    A couple of questions:
    Why is contentedly married important? ?If the change rocks his marriage, then say that instead.
    Why hypnotic regressions? perhaps use “relive forgotten childhood terrors” or similar.

    Now to the experts for more professional feedback.

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