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A weak white supremacist falsely jailed for drugs, gets trained and helped escape by a racist black ex-cop inmate, to hunt down the bad guys and prove his innocence.
It's definitely too wordy. The leading adjective of the protagonist "weak" is too vague. Also, "bad guys" should be much more specific. Here's a suggested rough revision to start with: "A weak white supremacist falsely jailed gets aided by a black ex-cop inmate to escape, hunt down the bad guys andRead more
It’s definitely too wordy. The leading adjective of the protagonist “weak” is too vague. Also, “bad guys” should be much more specific.
Here’s a suggested rough revision to start with:
“A weak white supremacist falsely jailed gets aided by a black ex-cop inmate to escape, hunt down the bad guys and prove his innocence.”
Good luck!
See lessA downtrodden scientist learns hard lessons from the unintended consequences of time travel as he attempts to improve his present fortunes…but at what cost?
I think it's essential to bring up unintended consequences, but I feel like you shouldn't mention what the protagonist learns. Also, I've never been a fan of questions in loglines. Plus, "at what cost" is redundant with mentioning "unintended consequences".
I think it’s essential to bring up unintended consequences, but I feel like you shouldn’t mention what the protagonist learns. Also, I’ve never been a fan of questions in loglines. Plus, “at what cost” is redundant with mentioning “unintended consequences”.
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