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While posing as a street person at night to scam people, a conniving ad executive is faced with his greatest fears when he loses everything and becomes homeless himself!
Obviously, your target is the irony of the situation; very similar to Eddie Murphy's "Trading Places" which may be before your time. It is a stretch to think someone would go through all the trouble to "pose" homeless in an effort to reap in tens of dollars a night, when he is a successful ad excutiRead more
Obviously, your target is the irony of the situation; very similar to Eddie Murphy’s “Trading Places” which may be before your time. It is a stretch to think someone would go through all the trouble to “pose” homeless in an effort to reap in tens of dollars a night, when he is a successful ad excutive making tons of money (or should be). I might re-consider his motive for posing homeless. That being said, the phrase “loses everything and becomes homeless” is redundant. “…faced with his greatest fears when he actually ends up homeless.”, or “…actually loses everything he has.” You cut it down by several words, freeing up that valuable real estate that is the logline.
Just a thought…
See lessA family living in Hawaii unravels from alcoholism exposing Hawaii's underside
I'm going to assume that "dysfunctional PENILE (penal) system" was meant as a joke. With four kids, there was nothing dysfunctional about his!
I’m going to assume that “dysfunctional PENILE (penal) system” was meant as a joke. With four kids, there was nothing dysfunctional about his!
See lessA family living in Hawaii unravels from alcoholism exposing Hawaii's underside
JBushill is right. I think the issue with most loglines are that most people are not clear as to what a logline is, how it differs from a tagline, what elements make up a logline, and what the purpose of the logline is, essentially. I write many articles on loglines, their purpose and their elementsRead more
JBushill is right.
I think the issue with most loglines are that most people are not clear as to what a logline is, how it differs from a tagline, what elements make up a logline, and what the purpose of the logline is, essentially.
I write many articles on loglines, their purpose and their elements, and, unfortunately, most writers fail to study THIS aspect of screenwriting, which, when done correctly, should be completede before you start the screenplay itself as it serves as your “writing compass”.
That being said, their are more elements missing than there are present, so it really needs to start from scratch. If you properly identify your elements, the logline basically writes itself, which is the beauty of it.
Elements are: protag, antag (be specific), inner conflict, outer conflict, goal, stakes, genre, and the all-important “hook”.
Protag- “family”- not specific enough, not colorfully descriptive enough…i.e.: “A tight-knit Mormon family”
Antag- “alcoholism” not specific enough…i.e: “suicidal, alcoholic mother”
Goal- none mentioned…i.e: “starting over in beautiful and tranquil Hawaii”?
Inner conflict- this Mormon family ain’t as tight-knit or “Mormon” as we believe?
Outer conflict- evading the law?
Stakes- risking safety, freedom? divorce? losing kids?
Genre- drama? dark comedy? mystery? crime drama?
Hook- There is a always a dark side- even in Paradise.
Using these elements, many of them completed with made-up ideas, a logline might read as follows:
“A close-knit Mormon family, starting over in the Wit-Pro program, are discovered by a local drug cartel when the alcoholic mother is arrested (pinched) on the seedy side of Honolulu.” Ideally, you want it to be 25 words, if possible, but no more than 30.
I hope this helps everybody who reads it.
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