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The Mover
I think it's important to know why he's being pursued.
I think it’s important to know why he’s being pursued.
See lessAfter brutal injuries from a notorious torturer leave a man with no memory, his only hope of regaining his identity is to help the FBI hunt his captor?s, before they can finish the job.
Loglines ARE tough- that's why a site like this is important, helpful- and popular. The way I do it is I write everything that the story is about in a long sentence, then either delete words that are extraneous, or find shorter and more colorful ways to say certain phrases in less words. For exampleRead more
Loglines ARE tough- that’s why a site like this is important, helpful- and popular. The way I do it is I write everything that the story is about in a long sentence, then either delete words that are extraneous, or find shorter and more colorful ways to say certain phrases in less words. For example, “a friendly but lonely guy who lost all of his memory” would be a ” jovial sap with amnesia”; four words replacing eleven in, what I think, is a more colorful and concise way.
See lessIn 1955, a young Debutante is sole witness to murder and must enlist the help of another criminal, his niece, to help her get to safety. But the killer is on their trail and he?ll stop at nothing to silence them.
Like the earlier time period mentioned; is that time period essential to the plot? If not, you may want to reconsider not having it in the present day, just because as a project, it'll be a harder sell as a spec script. As a logline, it doesn't really give us much. It's basically a witness running fRead more
Like the earlier time period mentioned; is that time period essential to the plot? If not, you may want to reconsider not having it in the present day, just because as a project, it’ll be a harder sell as a spec script.
As a logline, it doesn’t really give us much. It’s basically a witness running from a killer, according to the logline. No real substance there. Throwing in a criminal neice doesn’t change that, and having a killer on their trail who will stop at nothing, is neither new or intriguing enough. Having a “debutante” character is pretty unique, I think, but beyond that it’s flat.
My recommendation: work on some irony to liven it up. If the “debutante” had to enlist the help of a poor, homeless guy, and be forced to hide in the underbelly of the streets, that “fish out of water” combination would be the “hook”, especially if the killer ends up being one of them as well. Now, she’s living beside the killer she’s trying to hide from. The niece might be an interesting sidekick.
As an example: “A prissy debutante who witnesses a murder hides with her homeless niece, not knowing that the murderer lives under the freeway right next to them.”
Hope this was helpful.
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