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His optical implant switched off for non-payment of a loan, a 22nd Century private investigator must re-animate his hated android to help him solve the case of a missing billionaire robotics savant, in the process uncovering a militant group of androids and a maniacal Senator hell-bent on controlling the world
Cut in half; determine the essence of the story and concentrate on telling that. "When a 22nd Century PI re-animates his hated android, he discovers a a militant group of androids controlled a maniacal Senator hell-bent on controlling the world." If it's not like "I, Robot", it sounds like a great cRead more
Cut in half; determine the essence of the story and concentrate on telling that.
“When a 22nd Century PI re-animates his hated android, he discovers a a militant group of androids controlled a maniacal Senator hell-bent on controlling the world.”
If it’s not like “I, Robot”, it sounds like a great concept. Good luck!
See less"Alan loves Lizzie. Lizzie loves muscles. The hyper-visible male body ideal collides with one poor boy's love in this dark, romantic tale."
Sounds more like a tagline than a logline, and there's a major difference between the two. Sounds like "hypervisible male body ideal" really means "bodybuilder", and if so, I'd just say "bodybuilder". We all know what that is. It doesn't say enough to back up the statement "dark, romantic tale" whicRead more
Sounds more like a tagline than a logline, and there’s a major difference between the two. Sounds like “hypervisible male body ideal” really means “bodybuilder”, and if so, I’d just say “bodybuilder”. We all know what that is. It doesn’t say enough to back up the statement “dark, romantic tale” which shouldn’t be in a logline anyway. The logline should give one the impression of the genre and tone rather than telling us what the genre and tone are, in my opinion.
Needs more story substance and clarity, but it seems to be a unique concept not often explored in film. I think the concept is worthy of a much stronger, better developed logline. Good luck with the project!
See lessA POW interned at a Japanese camp in World War II finds an unlikely alley in a heroic dog who helps him through hardship, before a daring escape attempt places man and dog in an even bigger fight for survival.
Too long, not clear, and misspellings. I have to assume you mean "ally" rather than "alley". I'm not clear if it is an American POW in a Japanese camp or a Japanese POW in a Japanese internment camp controlled by Americans. I suppose it doesn't matter much, as both would be great stories, but I'll aRead more
Too long, not clear, and misspellings. I have to assume you mean “ally” rather than “alley”. I’m not clear if it is an American POW in a Japanese camp or a Japanese POW in a Japanese internment camp controlled by Americans. I suppose it doesn’t matter much, as both would be great stories, but I’ll assume it’s an American POW. I would try to show the dog having a conflict of his own, perhaps being mistreated or tortured himself, so it’s like the soldier and the dog help each other and both face the possibility of imminent death.
With that in mind, a shorter way to write it may be:
“An American POW in a WWII Japanese internment befriends an abused camp dog who assists him in a daring escape, forcing them to face their ultimate fight for survival.”
As a story, I love it. Seems to one for the heartstrings. Best of luck with it, Claire!
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