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A 13 year old little brother had grown up around the lives of crooked cops, gangsters,corrupted politicians, a broken family, and a brother who is hated by them all. Will the little fella help his brother, abandon him, or do absolutely nothing?
As said above, the main problem with this logline is that we have absolutely no sense of what the protagonist's goal is. Also with the last part I feel it would be more effective if it was just an ultimatum. Will he come to his brothers aid or abandon him? The bit about doing absolutely nothing sounRead more
As said above, the main problem with this logline is that we have absolutely no sense of what the protagonist’s goal is. Also with the last part I feel it would be more effective if it was just an ultimatum. Will he come to his brothers aid or abandon him? The bit about doing absolutely nothing sounds uninteresting. It isn’t the best way to end your logline. You want to leave with a punch.
See lessA 13 year old little brother had grown up around the lives of crooked cops, gangsters,corrupted politicians, a broken family, and a brother who is hated by them all. Will the little fella help his brother, abandon him, or do absolutely nothing?
As said above, the main problem with this logline is that we have absolutely no sense of what the protagonist's goal is. Also with the last part I feel it would be more effective if it was just an ultimatum. Will he come to his brothers aid or abandon him? The bit about doing absolutely nothing sounRead more
As said above, the main problem with this logline is that we have absolutely no sense of what the protagonist’s goal is. Also with the last part I feel it would be more effective if it was just an ultimatum. Will he come to his brothers aid or abandon him? The bit about doing absolutely nothing sounds uninteresting. It isn’t the best way to end your logline. You want to leave with a punch.
See less"A young girl disappears from her home and a body is found days later. When one of her friends receives a letter from her supposedly dead friend, events start to get twisted.."
You've mentioned the inciting incident in the logline when (like the others have said above) it is far more important to give us more detail about the protagonist and their goal. You haven't told us anything about how the protagonist decides to approach the situation once receiving the letter. I finRead more
You’ve mentioned the inciting incident in the logline when (like the others have said above) it is far more important to give us more detail about the protagonist and their goal. You haven’t told us anything about how the protagonist decides to approach the situation once receiving the letter. I find the ‘events start to get twisted’ bit unhelpful, and the … at the end sort of implies that the story just trails off.
See less