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When the hipster invasion drain the neighborhood of low-incomers, a wrecked ex-butcher rallies the rejects to hit back, only to find the hipsters drain people of blood too — HIPSTER VAMPIRES
This premise would not work even for a quirky, outlandish, comedy.? But for an alleged horror concept?? I don't think so. But how could this be improved?? Well, a start would be to put a much more menacing tone on the logline.? For example, "Pale hipsters move in, poor people disappear, a wounded buRead more
This premise would not work even for a quirky, outlandish, comedy.? But for an alleged horror concept?? I don’t think so.
But how could this be improved?? Well, a start would be to put a much more menacing tone on the logline.? For example, “Pale hipsters move in, poor people disappear, a wounded butcher loses his shop.? Coincidence?? The butcher does not think so.? He rounds up misfits to take on these new nocturnal urbane intruders.”? (Not a technically perfect example, but the sense of menace is at least there.)
One advantage you have here?is that the title does a lot of story-suggesting work for you.? On that basis what your logline really should be doing is suggesting how there is more to this than just another vampire flick.? So, for example, instead of wasting words about blood-sucking you should spend a few on what makes this fanged group different.? For example, are they “renegades” or “outcasts” even from their own kind?? Are they even pacifists or trying to wean themselves off blood?? Whatever little extra you can inject into the logline to make the whole thing less standard ‘vampy’.
Steven.
See lessWhen one of gods angels falls down in an accident in a backyard, a atheist man must help her find her way up again through making and finding the key to heaven.
ANOTHER 'fallen angels' film?? Groan!! More analytically:? What is the imperative for the atheist to help out the angel?? Can't be romance because he's going to lose her in the end (or will he?). The way I see it, there are two ways to go to motivate the atheist: For a more personal, character-driveRead more
ANOTHER ‘fallen angels’ film?? Groan!!
More analytically:? What is the imperative for the atheist to help out the angel?? Can’t be romance because he’s going to lose her in the end (or will he?).
The way I see it, there are two ways to go to motivate the atheist:
For a more personal, character-driven, drama, he should be given a chance to either communicate with a dead loved one and/or to gain some life or relationship advantage from the angel when she ascends (perhaps to get a second chance with a girl who blew him off?)
For a more thriller-type drama, then some saving the world type?goal makes sense.
In either case, the logline should suggest the atheist’s push or pull in this.? If only to make the concept at least half-way interesting to read.
I completely get that there is comedic potential with this odd couple here, but the gags in this pairing are not going to sustain a feature length story (at least not?solely on that basis).??A further plot push is needed here, preferably something dramatic.? Even in the case of a serious comedy, the dramatic extra element is needed.? Remember that even the Ghostbusters were trying to save the world.
Steven.
See lessTo solve the puzzle of her family disappearance, a fraud investigator must find out the truth about her father who masterminded an international criminal heist
I like the irony of a "fraud investigator" having to use her skills of investigation and deceit to track down a criminal father.? There is a potential character redemption arc here that could elevate the story above?being?just a?cross between "Focus" and "The Italian Job" (or "Oceans Eleven"?). I doRead more
I like the irony of a “fraud investigator” having to use her skills of investigation and deceit to track down a criminal father.? There is a potential character redemption arc here that could elevate the story above?being?just a?cross between “Focus” and “The Italian Job” (or “Oceans Eleven”?).
I don’t have a problem with the apparent convolution of plot elements as this is right in keeping with many contemporary screen stories – such as ‘Mission Impossible’ movies, “Focus”, ?”The Mentalist”, “Persons of Interest”, even “Terminator: Genisys” and ‘Avengers/Ultron’.
My main issue with the logline [which is apparently an improvement from one or two past] is that the daughter/investigator needs a more compelling motive than simply to resolve a “puzzle”.? Was she expecting a cut of the profits?? Has she done a deal with the FBI to get off charges against her?? Is her daughter or mother being held hostage by a crime lord (or even third world dictator or? black ops mercenary company) who wants the heist back in their hands?? Any of these more dramatic pushes or pulls – especially with a ‘ticking clock’ implied – would make the character motivation (and therefore story concept) stronger and more engaging.
Steven.
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