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The lives of an undefeated boxer and a former hitman intermingle on the corrupt and sinful streets of New Orleans as they join forces to save the they love city and the people in it from cataclysm
It's got legs. Fix the garbled bits at the end and trim the flowery language - get to the heart. ??? An undefeated boxer and a lowlife former hitman become unlikely partners in order to save the city they love, and its citizens, from cataclysm. ??? Is the fact it's New Orleans critical to the story.Read more
It’s got legs. Fix the garbled bits at the end and trim the flowery language – get to the heart.
??? An undefeated boxer and a lowlife former hitman become unlikely partners in order to save the city they love, and its citizens, from cataclysm. ???
Is the fact it’s New Orleans critical to the story. Yes: name it. No: “the city they love”.
Presume “Undefeated boxer” and “former hitman” are meant to be polar opposites in some way. I don’t get that yet but the logline still works. If you can distil how they are opposites more crisply, that would push the logline along.
Good luck with it.
Lx
See lessThe lives of an undefeated boxer and a former hitman intermingle on the corrupt and sinful streets of New Orleans as they join forces to save the they love city and the people in it from cataclysm
It's got legs. Fix the garbled bits at the end and trim the flowery language - get to the heart. ??? An undefeated boxer and a lowlife former hitman become unlikely partners in order to save the city they love, and its citizens, from cataclysm. ??? Is the fact it's New Orleans critical to the story.Read more
It’s got legs. Fix the garbled bits at the end and trim the flowery language – get to the heart.
??? An undefeated boxer and a lowlife former hitman become unlikely partners in order to save the city they love, and its citizens, from cataclysm. ???
Is the fact it’s New Orleans critical to the story. Yes: name it. No: “the city they love”.
Presume “Undefeated boxer” and “former hitman” are meant to be polar opposites in some way. I don’t get that yet but the logline still works. If you can distil how they are opposites more crisply, that would push the logline along.
Good luck with it.
Lx
See lessA soldier suffering from PTSD participates in a virtual reality program to rescue a woman from human traffickers with the hopes it'll cure his condition.
Like dpg, this doesn't work for me. Less that it is contrived but certainly that it does not have stakes.
Like dpg, this doesn’t work for me. Less that it is contrived but certainly that it does not have stakes.
See less