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When sent a package containing her boyfriend’s belongings, a conflicted lover must uncover the cause of his disappearance; but when she learns he willingly vanished to pursue space travel, she must embrace selflessness and accept his decision.
I like it! But the ACTION in the second half can be stronger. Right now it only gives us her psychological growth, not a visible (filmable) action. Of course, short films are more flexible, and perhaps the climactic scene is about just that: her acceptance... In any case, try the Logline Generator (Read more
I like it! But the ACTION in the second half can be stronger. Right now it only gives us her psychological growth, not a visible (filmable) action. Of course, short films are more flexible, and perhaps the climactic scene is about just that: her acceptance…
In any case, try the Logline Generator (link above), and you’ll see that the better version of this logline might be along the lines of:
When sent a package containing her boyfriend’s belongings, a conflicted lover must uncover the cause of his disappearance; but when she learns he willingly vanished to pursue space travel, she must embrace selflessness and accept his decision BEFORE [Final Action].
I still think that there could be a final action that SHOWS her transformation.
See lessWhen his beloved community website suddenly disappears, a stubborn story scientist must fight bureaucracy and greedy corporations to regain control of his domain and bring the site back to life.
I don't want to live it. I don't want to see it. But it decently structured, right?
I don’t want to live it. I don’t want to see it.
See lessBut it decently structured, right?
In the early 1960s, a young mother’s anxiety makes her suspicious of everyone, even her 11 year-old son, who takes on a mission to heal her by making her laugh.
I love the idea. Can you rewrite the logline by focusing more on the main character (the son)? What specific event made him decide to take action? And given that healing is a process, what is the specific point the audience will be looking forward to, i.e. what will indicate that he is successful? MRead more
I love the idea. Can you rewrite the logline by focusing more on the main character (the son)? What specific event made him decide to take action? And given that healing is a process, what is the specific point the audience will be looking forward to, i.e. what will indicate that he is successful? Most great story concepts allow us to visualise what a positive outcome would look like.
Am I assuming right that this is to be a comedy?
Where will the comedy come from? Because anxiety is not funny… and if we’re going to make the mother laugh, the situations better be funny to the audience, too.
Those are few off-the-cough thoughts. I hope this is helpful!
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