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After witnessing a god rape her sister, a naive nymph seeks revenge, risking her life in the process.
I agree with the above review.? You have your main character and an inciting incident and an end goal. But the logline needs further information on how she plans to achieve that goal. In the text - could also cut out "in the process".? E.g. ".... risking her life and virtue by descending into Hades,Read more
I agree with the above review.? You have your main character and an inciting incident and an end goal. But the logline needs further information on how she plans to achieve that goal.
In the text – could also cut out “in the process”.? E.g. “…. risking her life and virtue by descending into Hades, battling demons… ” or maybe even cut out “risking her life” if it is evident that this is what is happening.
Just my 2c worth. Hope it helps.
See lessWhen an entire town gets a virus from the trial of a brain-activated smart phone, a self-righteous hippy must stop the company and shut down the trial.
It's really quite a funny concept so that's good. However I agree with the others. There's a missing link. What is the connection that the hippie has with the problem? What makes him your hero as opposed to anyone else in the story? I assume the virus affects the brain and so incapacitates people. ARead more
It’s really quite a funny concept so that’s good.
However I agree with the others. There’s a missing link. What is the connection that the hippie has with the problem? What makes him your hero as opposed to anyone else in the story?
I assume the virus affects the brain and so incapacitates people. As an aside, how did he not get the virus himself? Is he the only one remaining who can do something about the problem? This might help join the dots in the reader’s head about why the hippie needs to overcome his usual languor and be your hero.
Just my 2c worth.
See lessWhen a disguised terrorist on a mission in his country sets him up in a train bomb attack, a dropout battles to evacuate panicking passengers who will be killed in his name.
Hi, it's a good idea. However it took me some time to work out that your protagonist is the dropout. Perhaps move him to the start of your log line? Also is this a short? I'm not sure the action as described will make 90 minutes. Just my 2c worth. ..
Hi, it’s a good idea. However it took me some time to work out that your protagonist is the dropout. Perhaps move him to the start of your log line?
See lessAlso is this a short? I’m not sure the action as described will make 90 minutes.
Just my 2c worth. ..