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Detective Kiron Pollard picks a team of 5 individuals to fight the latest crime menace plaguing the Brisbane city. The team consists of former criminals.
Firstly, I think you could condense this into one sentence. Can u make the crime epidemic a little more specific as an inciting incident? Then, what tone are you going for? Humour? If so, possibly 'but disaster ensues when he discovers that they are ex- criminals' etc. at the moment, there is no ideRead more
Firstly, I think you could condense this into one sentence. Can u make the crime epidemic a little more specific as an inciting incident? Then, what tone are you going for? Humour? If so, possibly ‘but disaster ensues when he discovers that they are ex- criminals’ etc. at the moment, there is no idea of the flaw of the main protagonist and no idea of the progression of the main story
See lessNo Man's Land
This is more of a trailer description than a logline. The flaws of the protagonists aren't clear- they may each need contrasting flaws, which will then display the necessity to have two characters. Eg reckless, inexperienced, etc. the inciting incident is obviously their entrapment behind enemy lineRead more
This is more of a trailer description than a logline. The flaws of the protagonists aren’t clear- they may each need contrasting flaws, which will then display the necessity to have two characters. Eg reckless, inexperienced, etc. the inciting incident is obviously their entrapment behind enemy lines, which also gives an urgency to the plot, and this could be condensed in the LOGLINE to something like ‘caught in unfamiliar gangland territory, THE FLAWED PROTAGANiSTS must OVERCOME and REACH THEIR GOALS. The goals are not completely clear- do they need to fight the enemy to escape, etc? The lack of clarity makes it difficult to differentiate this from any other idea, difficult to sell it and difficult to plan the story structure for yourself as the writer.
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