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After robbing a casino in Vegas, A pair of prodigal biracial twin arrive in New York to start a new life but the trouble they lelf in Vegas didn’t stay in Vegas
There's no need to include that these twins are Biracial (not that they can't be Biracial, you can make them what you want) and I don't understand what is meant by them being "Prodigal". Nothing really tells me anything about these characters in the end of the day. All in all, it's about 2 robbers wRead more
There’s no need to include that these twins are Biracial (not that they can’t be Biracial, you can make them what you want) and I don’t understand what is meant by them being “Prodigal”. Nothing really tells me anything about these characters in the end of the day.
All in all, it’s about 2 robbers who find that they’ve pissed off the law or someone else they shouldn’t have after committing a crime. I don’t see anything in that premise that stands out.
Is there any unique twist in the idea?
See lessAn alcoholic man’s life has changed when he goes into recovery when he becomes a teacher at a school he graduated from.
Things are very unclear, mostly with the inciting incident. What is it? Is it going into recovery or going to his old Ivy League? Also there's no need to include "Man" in the logline since you refer to him with him/his pronouns. Is he inspired to go into recovery because he attends his old school? ORead more
Things are very unclear, mostly with the inciting incident. What is it? Is it going into recovery or going to his old Ivy League? Also there’s no need to include “Man” in the logline since you refer to him with him/his pronouns. Is he inspired to go into recovery because he attends his old school? Or is he inspired to go to his old school after going into recovery?
It also feels like something is missing regarding his recovery, since alcoholics tend to have a catalyst in their lives that inspires them towards this goal.
The other thing that’s unclear is the goal. He goes into recovery and attends his old school, then what?
See lessA couple race against time to track down a high school student who murdered their daughter.
Check out "formula" section for learning the correct Logline formula, because this doesn't fit the structure at all. There's other unanswered questions here. I know they use the police, but couldn't you find some way to make them more active? It sounds like they will just have the police do the workRead more
Check out “formula” section for learning the correct Logline formula, because this doesn’t fit the structure at all.
There’s other unanswered questions here. I know they use the police, but couldn’t you find some way to make them more active? It sounds like they will just have the police do the work for them.
And I second what Odie said, why them? Why do they have to race against time?
See less