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In a post apocalyptic world a teenage girl takes refuge in a hidden valley after loosing her parents trying to escape the pandemic and reach quarantine. Discovered by a man that could lead her to safety, he instead betrays her. He takes over her camp forcing her to fight not only a man that is bigger, stronger and armed, but also the approaching winter.
Yep -- agree with the sentiment above -- your logline runs at 64 words in length and raises more questions than it answers. You should aim for no more than 30 words. Below is just my spin: "After escaping a worldwide pandemic with a vaccine an orphaned teenager battles for survival against her onceRead more
Yep — agree with the sentiment above — your logline runs at 64 words in length and raises more questions than it answers. You should aim for no more than 30 words. Below is just my spin:
“After escaping a worldwide pandemic with a vaccine an orphaned teenager battles for survival against her once trusted guide and protector, who wants the vaccine for himself.”
…not the best, doesn’t sound exactly like your story, but hope it gives you some clues on how you can condense the word count.
Best of luck with it.
See lessIn a post apocalyptic world a teenage girl takes refuge in a hidden valley after loosing her parents trying to escape the pandemic and reach quarantine. Discovered by a man that could lead her to safety, he instead betrays her. He takes over her camp forcing her to fight not only a man that is bigger, stronger and armed, but also the approaching winter.
Yep -- agree with the sentiment above -- your logline runs at 64 words in length and raises more questions than it answers. You should aim for no more than 30 words. Below is just my spin: "After escaping a worldwide pandemic with a vaccine an orphaned teenager battles for survival against her onceRead more
Yep — agree with the sentiment above — your logline runs at 64 words in length and raises more questions than it answers. You should aim for no more than 30 words. Below is just my spin:
“After escaping a worldwide pandemic with a vaccine an orphaned teenager battles for survival against her once trusted guide and protector, who wants the vaccine for himself.”
…not the best, doesn’t sound exactly like your story, but hope it gives you some clues on how you can condense the word count.
Best of luck with it.
See lessA reticent young mother, grieving the death of her husband on 9 11 joins three widows who take on the U.S. government, looking for answers to the century?s most heinous crime
...or Oliver Stones' JFK? In the end of the film Jim Garrison lost the case against Clay Shaw -- in real life Garrison's career and reputation was in tatters... but because of the movie and the publics reaction to it thousands upon thousands of previously classified documents were eventually made avRead more
…or Oliver Stones’ JFK? In the end of the film Jim Garrison lost the case against Clay Shaw — in real life Garrison’s career and reputation was in tatters… but because of the movie and the publics reaction to it thousands upon thousands of previously classified documents were eventually made available to the public… (a cynic could ask – “well, what’s the point of that?”)
Not to say I, or my proposed film, could ever reach those dizzying heights of success (one can dream though 😉 ) — I see their plight, that these four ordinary housewives managed to call the U.S. government to account (even though, yes, the eventual report was a crock, no heads rolled — in fact most involved in high places got elevated to higher places — Bush/ Cheney got 4 more years etc etc etc… and three of the four woman have nothing to do with activism anymore) the stuff of a potentially compelling David v Goliath story.
Anyway — thanks again for your, as always, much appreciated feedback.
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