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When his brother is shot dead during a botched bank robbery to re-claim their family inheritance, a disenchanted book keeper must face a suspicious and obstinate Bank Manager, the cops, and his fear of public speaking to finish the job.
You have hit the nail on the head in regards to one of the main problems I have had with this story. Originally, the inheritance was passed from the Father to his next door neighbor (on a neighboring farm), who died before getting the inheritance to the brothers -- of course this doesn't work for aRead more
You have hit the nail on the head in regards to one of the main problems I have had with this story.
Originally, the inheritance was passed from the Father to his next door neighbor (on a neighboring farm), who died before getting the inheritance to the brothers — of course this doesn’t work for a number of reasons, or at least is quite a stretch.
Since playing around with the logine I’ve had a similar idea to your suggestion, that is, having the Bank Manager be the one who is behind the legal legerdermain…
Anyway, huge thanks again dpg. Your advice, as always, has been extremely helpful.
See lessWhen his brother is shot dead during a botched bank robbery to re-claim their family inheritance, a disenchanted book keeper must face a suspicious and obstinate Bank Manager, the cops, and his fear of public speaking to finish the job.
Thanks Richiev -- I've been re-working this for awhile and am really struggling with concisely stating the relevant elements, as you've pointed out. The brothers discover that the inheritance left to them by their Father has been mislaid in a dead neighbors safe deposit box at the bank. One of the bRead more
Thanks Richiev — I’ve been re-working this for awhile and am really struggling with concisely stating the relevant elements, as you’ve pointed out.
The brothers discover that the inheritance left to them by their Father has been mislaid in a dead neighbors safe deposit box at the bank. One of the brothers is a reformed ex-con, and the other brother (the book keeper with the fear of public speaking…) convinces his ex-con brother to help him rob the bank to get at the inheritance; the plan is for the book keeper to play the role of hostage at the start of the heist (posing as a customer), then break open the safe deposit box, while the ex-con brother plays the role of single perpetrator, controlling the staff and customers. The Bank Manager gets his hands on a gun and shoots the ex-con brother during the heist, and the book keeper is faced with the dilemma of finishing the job or losing the inheritance…
This is my first screenplay, and towards the end of my first draft really felt that I had bitten off more than I could chew (which could be true given the complications of the logline…), and am really only now trying to zero in on the point of the whole thing.
I’ll keep plugging away.
Thanks again.
See lessAfter discovering the last of his estranged Father’s inheritance is locked in a neighbors safe deposit box, Chris, a shy and awkward out of work accountant convinces his felon Brother to break into the bank where it’s locked. When his brother is shot during the Heist, he is faced with the choice to either play hostage, or to finish the job himself.
After coaxing his brother into robbing the town bank for their mislaid family inheritance, Chris, a disenchanted High School teacher must finish the job when his bother is shot dead during the heist.
After coaxing his brother into robbing the town bank for their mislaid family inheritance, Chris, a disenchanted High School teacher must finish the job when his bother is shot dead during the heist.
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