Logliner
Posted: 2019-10-15T03:38:28+10:00 In:

(REVISION #6):? When a na?ve, rambunctious teenage singer in the early sixties in England succumbs to the seductive excesses of the Rock?n Roll lifestyle, she ends up pregnant and is pressured to get an illegal abortion that changes her life forever.

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    3 Reviews

    1. Samurai

      I’m thinking we can trim this down and add some meat to what the teenager’s goals are.

      When a rambunctious teenage singer succumbs to the Rock n’ Roll lifestyle and ends up pregnant, she must choose to either undergo an illegal abortion, or give up her career.

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    2. Mentor

      One problem with leaving a logline with a choice at the end is that the list of choices may not be all inclusive. In this case, I see the following choices: 1) she has an illegal abortion and suffers the consequences, 2) she has an abortion in a country where abortions are legal, 3) she keeps the baby and gives up her career, 4) she has the baby and leaves it with her mother while she pursues her career, 5) she has the baby and gives it up for adoption, 6) she keeps the baby and learns to manage her time between career and motherhood. All these options have been pursued by different celebrities over the years, so why must she choose between 1 and 3?

      Another problem when ending a logline with the MC choosing is: when does the choice get made? If in the middle of the film, what happens next? If at the end, then what was happening on screen when the drama of choice played out?

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    3. Singularity

      Is it the pregnancy or the abortion that is the inciting incident?

      How does it change her life? What is her goal after this? It seems like this is one long inciting incident at the moment. Unless this pregnancy happens at the midpoint… that could work really nicely. The first half is her seeking fame and fortune and she finally reaches the top but falls pregnant and the rest of the film is her fall from the top.

      It’s good that you’re finding the logline hard to write. A solid logline can really help throughout the writing process as it can keep you on track with what the story is really about.

      Have you tried the logline generator? If not, I’d highly recommend it.

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