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4 reviews
Got it - thanks for the feedback. As I mentioned in my first log line for a separate project (too short by far), this one is too long. I need to massage it a bit & try to repost. Also, I did read a ton of Fforde, but it was years ago :)
One moment you're telling us she's living a boring life, next sentence her life's turned inside out.
Start with "When", or "After" or "Before"- it gives the reader an idea of what the protag's life was life first; the rest will tell us why and how things will change. Discard character's name; unless they are famous, it's a waste of valuable logline real estate. You want less than thirty words, if possible...
It reads more like the blurb found on the back of a book. Also, I'm guessing you read a lot of Jasper Fforde.
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