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When an idealistic free spirit discovers his best friend is terminally ill, he must inspire her through music to live, before she gives up hope.
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I think this log line is pretty sound and gives us what could be an emotional story. I would however alter a few of the words though. After ‘terminally ill’, I would change it to ‘he attempts to inspire her through music, before she gives up hope’. I think ‘to live’ is unneeded as it is obvious and I would change ‘must’ as it is giving the solution where as ‘attempt’ shows that he is trying ways to inspire her instead of knowing the answer straight away.
That is my suggestion anyway, but other than that I think it works and provides us with an idea that potentially has a lot of heart.
Generally good: I think you could give us a hint of a specific goal, though. Does he write her a song every day, or arrange a concert for six months time to inspire her to live that long, or…?
I think the word “must” may not be necessary. You might just do away with that and replace it with words like “tries to” or “begin to”. Then remove “to live” altogether, since the friend is terminally ill and the aim of the inspiration is quite obvious. Other than this, the plot, is explanatory enough.
Yes I can see why a idealistic free spirit could have problems coming to terms with a friend dying. If the protagonist is the free spirit, I’d like to be given a clue as to what lesson he’ll learn through the story. But like other people have said, the whole story is pretty much telegraphed.
“When an idealistic free spirit discovers his best friend is terminally ill,
he attempts to inspire her through music, before she gives up hope.”
What is the term telegraphed? I’ve never heard it before 🙂
How do I adress a clue for the lesson and also a hint of a specific goal?
Telegraphed means you’ve told us everything. Only thing left is for her to die. Maybe she could inspire her to write her own song or play an instrument. He wants her not to give up hope presumably of life but that’s tough if you’re terminally ill. But this seems to be more of a journey for the terminally ill person than the free spirit.