Will
An underpaid banker gets a venomous dose of indigenous sorcery when he abuses a loophole to syphon money from a deceased account intended for a community group.
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You would definitely win in our Scrabble games…
Think you could drop “deceased” but as it stands it’s short and very effective. Reminds me a little of the movie “Drag Me To Hell”.
Too wordy?
I thought I could cut the ‘deceased account’ bit.
An underpaid banker gets a venomous dose of sorcery when he abuses a loophole to syphon money intended for an indigenous community group.
That logline makes more sense,
saying “indigenous community group” works better than “indigenous sorcery.”
An underpaid banker gets a venomous dose of black magic when he syphons funds intended for an indigenous community group.
What’s his goal? What must he do when he gets the venomous does of black magic?