No Way Back (v5) Another Rewrite
An amateur journalist, a superstitious scientist, and a teen know-it-all, unravel the mysteries of a mansion in the woods which is being guarded by a secret government agency.
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How about:
“When a skeptical tabloid journalist, who’s covered one fantastical hoax after another, arrives at a supposedly haunted mansion, he finds to his surprise something supernatural is happening and get the story he must dig deeper.”
I know, my attempt is a little long.
Thanks, Richiev 🙂 I do like that log line. Not sure if I like the ‘haunted mansion’ part of it though (it reminds me of that children’s movie with Eddie Murphy). This isn’t really intended as a farce, it’s more like a thriller mystery story…similar to Nowhere Man or Warehouse 13, etc… The mansion in the woods is one of nine gothic-style mansions that have suddenly appeared overnight, followed almost immediately by people going missing in the immediate vicinity. The secret government agency is restricting access to the house because the last reconnassance team that was sent in to investigate if possibly the missing persons were in there, never came back out and each time they send someone in the door slams shut and that person silently disappears. The tabloid journalist was originally assigned to the missing persons story so he could try to skew it in the direction of UFO abductions or the infamous chupacabres, but while taking photographs of busted trees and bent bushes, he stumbles across a laser beam that activates an alarm and he discovers the secret base….and infiltrates the camp to discover the mysterious house and that they are studying it trying to figure out what actions to take. But when he is discovered as an imposter, a scientist with the government (and also a fan of his work) helps him hide….eventually there is no place to go but this mysterious house and they both know that if they enter they will never come back out, but they enter anyways because its either that or face imprisonment. Them entering the house is the beginning of what kicks off the first season of the show. Inside they are confronted by different rooms, different times, different realities, portals to other worlds, ghosts, vampires, pretty much everything imaginable until they finally figure out the true nature of the mansion. They also meet some of the people that went missing (including a teenage girl named Melanie) And in the last episode they escape with the best story ever…perfect for the tabloids…but completely unbelievable haha. Im trying to convert all of that into a log line and/or synopsis lol. Here is another version I wrote of the synopsis : “While digging for a story that will ensure his job security, a journalist stumbles upon a mysterious mansion in the woods, guarded by the military, and discovers it is connected to a string of missing persons cases in the area.” Sorry this is so long.
I would suggest trying to clarify who the protagonist is; because you list three, it’s hard to know which character is going on the journey, what action it is that they specifically are going to take, and what the flaw they are going to overcome in the story is. So I’d revise to only include one (the one with the furthest to go to resolve their flaw).
Secondly, the promise of something strange and mysterious is great, but you’ve come across as too vague when you state “unravel the mysteries of a mansion … etc.” What precisely is the action your protagonist takes? Are they exposing a government conspiracy?
Nicholas Andrew Halls, what do you think of this: “While on his first assignment covering a string of alleged UFO abductions, a tabloid journalist stumbles on what could be the story that makes his career when he discovers Point of Interest 9 — One of nine mysterious mansions that have sprang up across the globe over night.”