This is a logline for a 32-page picture book. In addition to comments on improving the logline, I’d appreciate your opinion as to whether you would buy a book for your child where the main character is a ball.
Alan H. JordanPenpusher
BRIGHT ORANGE BALL – POV Ball. After one of the best soccer players in the world passes over his first soccer ball must convince the legend’s grandson to take up soccer.
Share
Would I buy a book for my youngling based on your premise? Sure! But per your logline, the soccer player is the main character, not the ball. Who has to convince the grandson to play, the legend or the ball? Why does the grandson have to be persuaded – what are the stakes?
For logline structure research, lookup movies like The Brave Little Toaster. That bright orange ball is your hook, and I can envision a bridge to becoming something better for both the ball and the player. Keep going! I hope you find this constructive.
Hey Odie,
Thanks for your thoughts. I appreciate them, and I am having a hard time deciding whether I want to do this story from the POV of the ball or the boy.
I did look at The Brave Little Toaster on IMDB. Its logline is, “A group of dated appliances embark on a journey to the city to find their master after being abandoned in a cabin in the woods.”
What do you think of this?
A soccer ball must convince a boy to take up soccer to banish the loneliness the boy feels after the death of his grandfather.
You’re getting there.
Think about the age group you’re trying to target. Thus, you may want to rethink the usage of banishing, loneliness, and death in your logline.
Kiddo example:
“A bright orange soccer ball sets off on new adventures with the grandson of a legendary footballer.”
For color:
You could restructure to include “boy” instead of a grandson to appeal to a larger audience.
Show don’t tell “new adventures” to peak reader interest by injecting the destination GOAL of their journey together.
I wish you Godspeed on your journey to capture the best logline for your project.