by Eethan · Showrunner · 1,195 pts
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Categories: Thriller
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I like the start, but in a strange way I then think the premise gets sidetracked. It almost feels like two different stories. It feels like it should either become a mistaken identity story, whereby as he used the card those after the real spy, but have no idea what he looks like, come for this guy or he starts using it to live the spy lifestyle, only to be caught up in a real plot.
The premise could work, as I assume the dummy card is actually a government device to be used on the real spy's mission, which is meant to be abroad so when he uses it, will bring down the system. Now the spy not wanting to admit his mistake teams up with the person who stole it to disable the virus before it reaches it's activation point (Which could be a spread level) I guess, for me, your current one feels disjointed however I think with some focus on why these characters would work together then it'll work for the bigger picture.
Hope that makes sense
"Another technical quibble: ??before the virus disappears? ? but that is, in effect, a solution to the problem!"
Yes, I addressed this in my own review as well. Another thing that comes to mind how good of a spy is this guy if he gives up a card containing a virus-or any card at all-to a con-artist. But that brings up more questions. Is that supposed to be his role? A not very good spy? But then why would he have the card? Does he know the card contains the virus?
I suppose these are not problems with the concept, but it just adds more questions to the logline.
One last comment: If the story were lighthearted or a comedy, then the incompetent spy would be a good angle to use. But it seems you're going more serious. If the intended tone is more lighthearted than bleak, gritty drama-thriller, I suggest you change the logline to reflect that.
>> more questions raised than necessary.
Indeed.
Another technical quibble: ?"before the virus disappears' -- but that is, in effect, a solution to the problem! ?Once the virus is gone (How> -- does it self-destruct after XX hours?) ?the banking system can be rebooted. ?Just as when a virus disappears from the human body, the cold clears up.
So "tracing the virus" doesn't make sense as the objective goal. Although tracing the origin? of the virus might be a step along the way to the objective goal. ?Which is...?
