Peter and Seth are two people from very different walks of life, a chance meeting and a joint love for music, sends them both on a journey of self discovery.
A drug addict and a businessman come together through their joint love of music, and become increasingly dependant on each other.
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I think you have the set up down and set the tone well but what are the characters goals? Try to incorporate the protagonists goals in this. This could be an interesting romantic drama but why are they dependent on each other? I guess it’s a little vague right now. Hope this helps.
It’s a slice of life drama, where the goals of Peter and Seth are probably slightly drowned out by the character studies. However, in regards to goals…They both crave the oppurtunity to chase their dreams, but do they have the capacity.
I still think it’s a little too vague. I def get that it’s a slice of life drama. If your characters don’t have any real goals than the characters might be too passive and not assertive enough. You could incorporate that they want to go for their dreams and put that in it.
I’m having the same problem with my logline. I think it’s way too vague and I need to be more specific.
Could be characters for a sweet story well done on a low budget but needs a clear journey for the dual protagonists. What are they trying to achieve and to what end?
I have seen many a film made on the premise of “character study” but this often doesn’t hold enough interest for the audience to secure a release. Good idea at the very least to clarify what they want in the logline, give them a goal, as this will explain to the reader what it is the audience will see the MCs achieve at the end.
Well once they overcome their individual “hold ups” they eventually open a successfull music venue..The ending however is tragic
What me and Nir Shelter are both saying though is that you need to possibly put more info in your logline. What hold ups do they have? That could be presented in the logline.
How about…
“When two people from very different walks of life are brought together through a chance meeting and a mutual love for music, they begin to rely on each other more and more as their usual mediocre lives begin to crumble around them.”
I think that sounds better. It peeks my interest now. I think adding that their mediocre lives crumble around them works. But you could still leave in a drug addict and a businessman, instead of two people. At least we would know more about the characters from their occupation.
I think it’s definitely an improvement so great job! I’m curious to know what others think.
Not been here for a while but here is the updated logline:
A business man and a drug addict form a close bond after a chance meeting, and a mutual love for music. When their usual mundane lives begin to crumble around them, they begin to rely on each other for guidance as they eventually start chasing their dreams.
Opinions?