Logliner
Posted: 2017-01-28T07:15:58+10:00 In:

A spy with a big mouth must destroy an enemy radar station before more planes are shot down.

A spy with a big mouth must destroy an enemy radar station before more planes are shot down.
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    5 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      By big mouth, I presume you mean talks a lot and a tell-all instead of a Jagger-like facial feature. If this is so, how can he or she be a spy? Wouldn’t secretes be at the very base of a spy’s job? Secondly, more detail is required to make sense of the stakes. Are these military planes? Civilian plains? Cargo carriers? Is it Air Force One that will be at risk? Will stopping this station help end the war?

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    2. Singularity

      As Nir Shelter said.

      A character flaw needs to be relevant to the struggle, germane to the protagonist’s objective goal. ?The dramatic function of the character flaw is to hobble the protagonist such that it will cause him to fail unless he overcomes it. I fail to see how having a big mouth performs that dramatic function.

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    3. Singularity

      What is the inciting incident? What is the time frame?

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    4. Samurai

      Hi mop1011,

      As Richiev pointed out, the inciting incident is missing. Why must this big mouthed spy destroy an enemy radar station before more planes are shot down? What happens to make the MC take this course of action?

      And a spy with a?big mouth in my head sounds comical in a good way because of the irony. Unless you mean he’s a big mouth in that he’s brash and arrogant…

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    5. Logliner

      You each make excellent points, however Eathan correctly ?deduced that I should have used the adjective “brash” to describe my protagonist’s overly confident, insubordinate attitude.

      I currently have almost thirty versions of the logline and still haven’t nailed it. But I will.
      Thanks for the coverage.

      mop1011

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