philasify
Penpusher · 195 points
- 6 loglines
- 5 reviews
- 1
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This isn't really a logline. The format would be: When [inciting event] occurs, a [character and their description] must [dynamic action] to overcome [obstacle].
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Sounds intriguing but I think the logline could use some work so it matches your additional story premise shared. Maybe something like "After running away from home following shooting his abusive father to save his mother, a preteen boy escapes…
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Why do I immediately think of that Adam Sandler/David Spade Netflix movie when I read this? Anyway yeah the logline is missing a good hook and the goal of the protagonist as been said by the others.
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Too much vagueness in the logline? (a "troubleshooter" what's that? Sounds like an IT guy). Don't hide the secret from the logline reader and then the "shoot" portion brings more confusion. Remember that a logline is mainly for some Hollywood…
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Sounds intriguing. I believe the "than" is a typo and it's supposed to be "that"? I feel like there should be a conflict or predicament in the logline at the end. Old Black Man meets Record player that makes him…
- Logliner