philasify

Mentor · 533 points

467 points to Showrunner

Rank5 badges

Activity4 badges

1 10 1

Daily challenge1 of 8 badges

no active streak · 1 solved · next badge at a 7-day streak

Reviews

← All activity

on After an accident cripples the woman he loves, a guilt-ridden young man takes on America’s scars as his own, risking everything to change the course of history and earn the love she freely gives.

There's way too much vagueness after the beginning. Take's on America's scars? Is that his woman's name? Is it the country of America? Risking everything to change the course of history how? It's just too abstract all the way around.
on After dead bodies start piling up, a family lawyer enlists the help of wrongfully accused street hustler to tail the killer, but what happens if the killer is hiding in plain sight.

Don't keep secrets in the logline; spoil the movie to get a reader to check out the script. Reveal who the killer is or at least be less vague.
on When akward Miles Morales,ascends as the next spiderman he is forced to use his new powers to stop the Evil Kingpin,from attaining the master-key of the doomsday collider that threatens to vanish humanity into the abyss.

Isn't this an existing movie? Is this an attempt to give an existing movie a logline?
on Three good for nothing youths unexpectedly gain superpowers and must save their crumbling city, YGN, from complete destruction.

A bit too vague and generic. There's nothing that really sells the reader on the story other than it being a run-of-the-mill superhero story.
on When James finds himself infatuated with his coworker Cindy, he is torn by the sinister advice of the sentient food in his fridge and the feelings of love felt in his timid heart.

Interesting premise but the logline needs stakes and a better hook. What does the protagonist have to do, what happens if he doesn't get what he wants? What resolution is out of reach? What ticking clock must he work against?
on After his mother’s mysterious death, a haunted martial artist travels from Hong Kong to Washington D.C., where he uncovers a deadly conspiracy linking his estranged father to a powerful toxin—and a young woman whose own past may hold the key to the truth.

Good start to it, but then it gets vague near the end. I've heard that loglines need to have spoilers and shouldn't be so mysterious, tell us what we are to look forward to, to make us want to read…
on When a flight attendant smuggles on a chainsaw and starts butchering passengers mid-flight, an aerophobe must bottle his panic to take down the killer and save his family on board.

Well put together. Sounds like fun. Not sure how long it'd last as a feature given the situation but I'd be intrigued to read/watch it.
on about an elderly samurai named Genjiro who doesn’t grow up? He gets taken in by his granddaughter and her partner. He has as a childhood friend and love interest a la Wendy Darling and she also rapidly ages. There’s a girl whom he shares advice with.

This isn't really a logline. The format would be: When [inciting event] occurs, a [character and their description] must [dynamic action] to overcome [obstacle].
on When he escapes from a woman who wants to keep him, a runaway boy must decide what to do with his abusive father when he discovers that he survived the first attempt to kill him.

Sounds intriguing but I think the logline could use some work so it matches your additional story premise shared. Maybe something like "After running away from home following shooting his abusive father to save his mother, a preteen boy escapes…
on A Facebook friend request, changes the life of a man undergoing mid life crisis, as he discovers, his former best friend, is a hitman.

Why do I immediately think of that Adam Sandler/David Spade Netflix movie when I read this? Anyway yeah the logline is missing a good hook and the goal of the protagonist as been said by the others.