An undisciplined boy is sent to Florida for the summer with his grandparents, and the drive south changes him forever.

What's at stake if his life "isn't changed forever".

What's at stake if his life "isn't changed forever".

While the story could potentially be a quality drama, the logline is flat and tells the reader nothing interesting or distinctive about this story. A harsh reader could be forgiven for dismissing this as just a road movie with geriatrics, and then move on. Less of the mild wording and more of hinting at intriguing aspects are required here.

For a start, some hint that the grandparents aren't stereotypical 'old cogers' would be a real plus here. For example, that the grandpa is actually a professor going to Florida to give a lecture.

Secondly, the protagonist could be described more interestingly than just being an "undisciplined boy". Ideally, there should be a hint of both capability, yet unruliness, with the lad. For example, a "spoilt prodigy", or less extremely, a "difficult yet driven boy". Giving the lad both positive and negative sides suddenly suggests unusal depth in both the character and the story.

Finally, just saying that the drive will 'change him forever' is too weak and generic (not to mention cliche). Again, some hint of how this drive will be significant would help. For example, "And the drive south will force him to understand consequences" (or "not take life for granted" or "take responsibility" or similar).

On balance, this logline is badly bland. It majorly fails to sell what might well be a well-written script.

Steven Fernandez (Judge).