Penpusher
Posted: 2017-05-04T03:09:01+10:00 In:

Short Film: An old black man living in a quiet retirement home finds a record player than, when used, makes the listener(s) young again..

Short Film: An old black man living in a quiet retirement home finds a record player than, when used, makes the listener(s) young again, allowing them to dance and enjoy life the way they used to.

Share

    Post a review

    You must login to add an answer.

    To see everything,

    5 Reviews

    1. Logliner

      Sounds intriguing. I believe the “than” is a typo and it’s supposed to be “that”? I feel like there should be a conflict or predicament in the logline at the end. Old Black Man meets Record player that makes him enjoy life the way they used to…then what? ?I think you put this in your head at the end of the logline “…and complications arise when…” and explain it. Then you can rework your logline to make it more complete.

      • 0
    2. Singularity

      It’s an interesting premise, but as philasify said, the logline would benefit by the inclusion of a dramatic problem. ?Like it only makes listeners act young again while it plays. ?As soon as the music stops, so does the benefit; the senior citizens revert to feeling and acting their age.

      • 0
    3. Uberwriter

      I like the concept. Sounds a bit familiar. Has it been showcased on other screenplay sites such as Simply Scripts or the like?

      • 0
    4. Logliner

      I like the idea…it sounds like a similar concept to “Hot Tub Time Machine.” Does the conflict come when they are young? Do they discover something about their past? Do they just become young in the present time…or do they go back in time? Do they come to realize that age and experience is better/worse than being young again? How young do they become?

      • 0
    5. Singularity

      Agreed with the above, the premise has some intrigue in it.
      Not sure how the MC being black is related though, is this set at a time before the civil rights movement? Does his skin colour present him with obstacles?

      Most good MCs have character flaws, does he have one??

      And before anyone tries to jump on a high horse, I am well aware that racism is, unfortunately, alive and well in many forms and against pretty much all skin colours nowadays.
      All I’m asking is whether there is a specific reason for that description, as it doesn’t read like there is. Every word counts in a logline.

      • 0