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byron79Logliner
Posted: July 26, 20172017-07-26T00:39:26+10:00 2017-07-26T00:39:26+10:00In: Drama

In her online search for ?Mr. Right,? a timid computer programmer builds an algorithm that evolves into a rogue Artificial Intelligence?which the government wants to terminate.

In her online search for ?Mr. Right,? a timid computer programmer builds an algorithm that evolves into a rogue Artificial Intelligence?which the government wants to terminate.
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    4 Reviews

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    1. Foxtrot25 Uberwriter
      2017-07-26T03:18:38+10:00Added an answer on July 26, 2017 at 3:18 am

      Kinda like the sex reversals from the 80’s movies and such. Only they didn’t take themselves too seriously. You have this listed as drama.

      In her online search for ?Mr. Right,? a timid computer programmer builds an algorithm that evolves into a rogue Artificial Intelligence?which the government wants to terminate.

      For the logline sakes, I would eliminate “online search for MR. Right” Skip right to describing the MC. In this case, “timid” should be replaced with “ambitious,” because that’s exactly what this chore is.

      What does the MC have to do before something happens to the intelligence by the ruthless government? Why does the govt want to terminate it? Is it a threat somehow?

      Overall, this sounds intriguing, hope you have a great MC and a clever twist on this not so unique genre. GL

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    2. Dkpough1 Uberwriter
      2017-07-26T03:20:39+10:00Added an answer on July 26, 2017 at 3:20 am

      “In her online search for ?Mr. Right,? a timid computer programmer builds an algorithm that evolves into a rogue Artificial Intelligence?which the government wants to terminate.”

      This logline sets up only a situation. It establishes the beginning status quo of the film, or show(I assume film). Either way, ?at the beginning she has the algorithm/A.I. Now, since the government wants to destroy it, what is the event that alerts the protagonist to this antagonist? ?Do they try to steal it, breaking into her home/lab/whatever? Do they try to kill her? ?As a result of the inciting incident, what does she do? I assume she wants to protect the A.I or use it for something specific. How does she go about doing this?
      Is there a specific antagonist who can be identified? The agent in charge, a specific solider, someone? In other words, who is the Darth Vader among the Storm Troopers of your story?
      Here’s an example using elements from your post:?After her lab is broken into, a timid computer programmer must track and destroy the rogue A.I she accidentally created before the government kills her for it. (27)

      In order to gain a better understanding of loglines, I recommend studying the Formula tab at the top of the page, and even more importantly, reviewing and studying other people’s loglines, and the feedback they receive. Once you can identify what works and what doesn’t in other loglines, then it will help your own.

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    3. dpg Singularity
      2017-07-26T05:16:46+10:00Added an answer on July 26, 2017 at 5:16 am

      ?The logline sets up a situation for the programmer ?– and then passes the baton of action from the programmer to the A.I. Who (or what) owns the story? ?And what is it about??

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    4. RoseVilaflor Logliner
      2017-07-27T02:23:52+10:00Added an answer on July 27, 2017 at 2:23 am

      Hi byron79,

      I like this logline. It’s intriguing, it gives an idea where the audience is going and even gives a clear picture of who is the protagonist. What I’m missing is more clarity on who is the antagonist. Government, is too general for me to get a picture who is the protagonist going to appose.

      Also I’m missing what are the stakes that are piled on the way of the protagonist. Otherwise, I find it interesting enough to read on.

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