Three internally flawed women, with traumatic childhoods, are forced to navigate through life?s peaks and valleys in the affluent suburbs of Atlanta, Georgia.
rnealPenpusher
Three internally flawed women, with traumatic childhoods, are forced to navigate through life?s peaks and valleys in the affluent suburbs of Atlanta, Georgia.
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Even in slice of life stories, a lead character will be pro-active. You haven’t told us anything pro-active about the actions of your lead character in this logline, nor your last logline attempt.
What does your lead character do? What do they want? How do they plan on achieving what they want?
As a movie, this does not work as a logline. However that logline works for a drama series: a who dunit revenge thriller?set in a suburbia.
Please as requested before, provide more information on the plot and the character so we can steer the logline into the right direction.
Taking a shot in the dark, here is my suggestion.
When the body of the long time missing patriarch of a formally powerful Atlanta crime family is uncovered, one of the daughters vows to bring the murderer to justice at whatever cost to her family and friendship amid betrayal, resentment and hidden secrets.
Is this a logline for a one time feature film or for a multi-episode series?
>>>When one woman experiences an unexpected betrayal
Seems like the best candidate for the protagonist, the character around which to frame the plot.
Much like your other logline, this lacks a clear protagonist, event, action, and goal.
Good loglines use specific detail to describe a plot. So, what does “…internally flawed…” mean? State the flaws, not the fact that they exist.
What does “…traumatic childhoods…” mean? Were they beaten, raped, kidnapped? Describe what happened to them that made them who or what they are.
“…life’s peaks and valleys…” is too vague as it applies to everyone. What specifically must these characters do, and most importantly of all, to what end? What is their goal?
Best you focus on one character, writing a single protagonist plot is hard enough much less a plot about three. First-time writers should learn the craft and form of a simpler story before trying to write more complex stories.