When a plague of supernatural scoundrels menaces a tiny frontier town, its hot-headed deputy is forced to drag his boyfriend out of monster hunter retirement to save the citizens—even if their heroics jeopardize their budding romance.

This new version is much better.

"Supernatural scoundrels" - as much as I like a bit of alliteration I can't visualise what supernatural scoundrels are. Can you describe them more cinematically? What are they trying to achieve? Rob the bank? Eat people? Currently, it sounds like they're just menacing for fun. It would be better if they had a goal too.

The protagonist is the Sheriff's Deputy who convinces his monster-hunting boyfriend to save the town. I want the protagonist to be fighting the monsters. I'm sure that will be the case but I think that should be reflected in the logline. It kinda seems like the protagonist's goal is simply to get his boyfriend to save the town. Make it clear that they are fighting together (if that's the case). Alternatively, make the boyfriend the protagonist with a backstory (these supernatural beasties killed his partner - make it personal). Is there a reason why the MC is the deputy rather than the boyfriend?

Where's the Sheriff in all of this? I'm just curious.

The main plot is saving the citizens from the supernatural pests - not sure I would put this in the "romance" genre. How does saving the citizens jeopardise their relationship?

My biggest issue is you have supernatural pests, magic-wielding cowboys, vampires, and the Wild West. That's a lot of different components for an audience to get their head around in one movie and I wanna know why? Why does it have to be set in the Wild West? Why does the boyfriend have to be a vampire? Why does the cowboy have to wield magic? All of these elements have to be included for a good reason and be instrumental to the plot - they couldn't achieve their goal if they weren't a wizard and a vampire. The fact that it's in a tiny frontier town aids/hinders them how? This cowboy wields magic... how is some supernatural pests going to be a problem for him? Surely the vampire is only useful if the pests attack at night...? Do the townsfolk accept a wizard and a vampire living amongst them? So many questions!!!

Where's the arc for the cowboy? What does he learn? There is currently nothing that suggests he goes on a "journey". As Nicholas said, is there a way to make the threat more personal??

As a logline, I think it kinda hits the right notes, but as a story I worry that there's simply too much that you're trying to do.?Personally, I think it would be a better story if the cowboy and his boyfriend were just normal human beings. It's then an uphill struggle and a seemingly impossible goal that can unite the town. Maybe the result is that their gay relationship is accepted by the townsfolk. Most great films are comparatively simple - one man's quest to kill a shark, one man's quest to become a better father, one woman's quest to save her friendship, etc etc.

The word "pests" makes the threat seem inconsequential. I would suggest maybe looking for a more menacing description -- because otherwise the logline reads quite well for me.

Only other thoughts are:

- is there some way to indicate what the protagonist's flaw will be?
- is there some way to make the threat even more personal? (The townsfolk are stakes characters, and their lives are in danger ... but at the moment, the heroes could just leave. I'd like to know why it's imperative that they stay and protect them).

Otherwise, great work!