candersonm

Penpusher · 295 points

5 points to Logliner

4 loglines
11 reviews

Revision: When a timid, undocumented student gets abducted, she must find the courage to escape a bleak island with four other strangers who aren’t all who they seem.

April 6, 2018
When a farmer’s wife vanishes, his desperate hunt reveals he’s actually been abducted and his entire town is a construction, built inside an alien craft to prep them for invasion. He must rescue his wife, pregnant with their hybrid child, and escape back home.

April 5, 2018
A brilliant DACA student is abducted to an island with four other people, all trying to escape until a violent mistake spirals out of control, revealing no one to be who they seem. She must figure out whom to trust and survive.

April 5, 2018
A paraplegic woman, with no memory what happened, investigates her own past and collides with a nocturnal vigilante who may hold the answers.

April 5, 2018

on A pacifistic NYPD cadet and a loner detective investigate the source of a new street drug, leading them to a notorious dealer; but they’re just a pawn, and someone much more powerful runs the operation.

I agree. ?this logline reads too generic right now. Nothing hooks yet as feeling like a new or a mashup of familiar ideas used in a new way.
on Logline: A total womanizer transforms his female best friend from clinger to player, finds himself attracted to his new creation but has taught her a little too well.

I agree with above reviewer, this idea has potential. ?I disagree with their new take however. Your initial logline has far better vibe and foundation in my opinion. ?"needy female friend" sounds old fashioned and kinda lame. ?I love clinger…
on After his pregnant wife’s cancer medication gets pulled from the public health system, a hot-headed Aboriginal amateur boxer must steal enough to keep her alive until the birth.

do you need hot-headed and aboriginal? ?it reads very overly descriptive when the central drive is nice and clear. ?This is an interesting concept to me if it was said more plainly. ?Hero has a good call to action and…
on After an attempt on his father’s life, a by-the-book Marine captain must kill his father’s rivals and become head of his own crime family to protect those he loves.

is this supposed to be the Godfather? ?My God this misses the mark. ?Where's the sense of grandeur? Where is the Shakespearean struggle between father and son, and light and darkness that plagues Micheal as he weighs ?avenging his father,…
on The true story of how a motley crew pulled off England’s biggest bank heist only to discover they were set up by MI5 to retrieve scandalous photos of a royal person.

Martine offers Terry a lead on a foolproof bank hit on London's Baker Street. She targets a roomful of safe deposit boxes worth millions in cash and jewelry. But Terry and his crew don't realize the boxes also contain a…
on Revised: When a bumbling alien pollutes the timeline, he and his adopted human family must travel back in history, and prevent the apocalypse… again!

I think this is getting close. ?I think you can cut "well-intentioned" because his adopted human family means he's got to be fairly friendly. ?bumbling is enough. So this is sci-fi comedy I take it? ?Not sure pollute is the…
on When bionic rivals–hired to reset the server–discover two halves of it in each other, they engage until one of them lives to receive the pay

I still don't quite understand the concept, even with Take II. ?What is so important about this server? ?We may need to have more context. ?Is this server made by the same company who made them or employs them? ?Is…
on An up-and-coming, LA-based actor is about to have his “big break” meeting with a star-director when he abruptly gets news from his casual-girlfriend, Rachel, that she’s pregnant, unplanned, which begins a twist-filled night that escalates to an explosive climax between Dae and Rachel.

During one epic night, ?a struggling actor must juggle an unplanned pregnancy, an egomaniacal director, and his own quest for stardom, making him weigh his dreams and priorities. This is an existential quest story right, a man facing his whole…
on 3 siblings set out on an adventure with their father’s friend, a professor, to find out what caused his disappearance and stop the power that could destroy humanity that he was looking for.

I find this far too vague. ?The stakes seem high but what is the hook? ?What kind of professor? ?What kind of power that can destroy humanity? Is it supernatural, is it manmade, is it alien? ?Do you need all…
on An alien living as their friendly neighbourhood mechanic, must prevent his beloved street from getting sold block-by-block before the greedy billionaire visits his garage ★ Accepted

egghead is a nice title. Would indicate a comedy a bit more to me. ?"their" friendly throws me -- who is "their" referring to? ? I'd stick to "the friendly." Block-by-block is also overkill for me. ?Can you come up…