jde

Logliner · 180 points

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on After a young heiress unleashes primal powers, she is visited by a mysterious stranger and learns she must take on interdimensional beings that want her dead.

I get now where I should be going with this. Thanks so much for your help!
on After a young heiress unleashes primal powers, she is visited by a mysterious stranger and learns she must take on interdimensional beings that want her dead.

She's supposed to be unleashing the primal powers from within. The kind of powers that will enable her to manipulate the energy that flows through all things. How can I show this in the logline? I think you're correct to…
on During WW2, team of monsters led by Annabell Van Helsing must stop a group of Occult Nazis from resurrecting Dracula.

What purpose would Dracula serve the Nazis? Also what is the tone of your screenplay?
on The awakening of ancient powers in a young woman sparks an age-old war amongst mankind’s original creators, over who controls the earth.

I've been having a lot of difficulty with this logline. How does one get the story world into the logline? Or am I going about it the wrong way and should instead be focusing solely on character when devising the…
on A young artist struggles with her newfound spiritual powers after being visited by the angel of prophetic revelation.

Thank you for the comment Bryson. She has to learn how to deal with her powers because she will be the world's guardian during a cosmic war that is coming to earth, hence her being approached by the angel of…
on A young artist struggles with her newfound spiritual powers after being visited by the angel of prophetic revelation.

That was in reply to Richiev.
on A young artist struggles with her newfound spiritual powers after being visited by the angel of prophetic revelation.

Thanks for your comment. You're right that struggles isn't enough of an active conflict. I'll have to rework the logline. And the "angel of prophetic revelation" bit could best be changed to Archangel Gabriel, although I don't think most would…
on A young artist struggles with her newfound spiritual powers after being visited by the angel of prophetic revelation.

I took your suggestion in the other logline thread for A Fury Unleashed and made the focus on her powers unfolding and left out any mention of a cosmic war. I hope you like this version better.
on After wrongly being convicted of a crime, three hundred years in the future, a former elite soldier is sent to an experimental prison camp on a distant moon, only to be drawn into a violent conflict between an ancient civilization and his fellow prisoners.

I agree with timmyelliot about the "three hundred years in the future" phrase. It made me think of time travel as well. I think this is a really good logline. The reader knows who the protagonist is, what the conflict…
on When a 50-foot-tall Maine moose destroys forests and attacks people, biologist Dan Gellerston must confront dark secrets from his past to find a way to stop the monster.

My question here is why must the protagonist confront dark secrets from his past in order to stop the monster? Or do you mean that his confrontation of dark secrets from his past is what happens along side his quest…