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When the feisty pirate emperor kidnaps their kingdom, an abominable feline-human boy and a weak princess must find someone in the “awfully violent” neighboring empire closed enough to accuse him to the emperor’s dubious mother before marrying their queen in a wrestling presentation.
Now pare down that detail into the protagonist, antagonist, conflict, and stakes, in one sentence, with an indication of tone and genre. Then try other verbs and adjectives, see what sounds good. Be clear, be simple, be concise. And always…
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When the feisty pirate emperor kidnaps their kingdom, an abominable feline-human boy and a weak princess must find someone in the “awfully violent” neighboring empire closed enough to accuse him to the emperor’s dubious mother before marrying their queen in a wrestling presentation.
Then surely help will be offered once additional logline-relevant details or questions are posted.
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When the feisty pirate emperor kidnaps their kingdom, an abominable feline-human boy and a weak princess must find someone in the “awfully violent” neighboring empire closed enough to accuse him to the emperor’s dubious mother before marrying their queen in a wrestling presentation.
What are you talking about? Why are you giving orders? Who are you? Do you want logline feedback or not?
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When the feisty pirate emperor kidnaps their kingdom, an abominable feline-human boy and a weak princess must find someone in the “awfully violent” neighboring empire closed enough to accuse him to the emperor’s dubious mother before marrying their queen in a wrestling presentation.
If it's obvious your post is unclear and improper, why did you post it? One can't offer advice without even comprehending the intention. Who are the protagonist and antagonist? What is the conflict, what are the stakes? These are what's…
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A 16-year-old ambitious dancer and her boyfriend discover that she is pregnant before her important competition and have to make a decision.
That's the conflict -- what's the story? All characters have to make decisions; it's the basis of every scene they're in...at least it should be. Loglines are the protagonist, antagonist, conflict, and stakes. These are hinted at here but not…
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When the feisty pirate emperor kidnaps their kingdom, an abominable feline-human boy and a weak princess must find someone in the “awfully violent” neighboring empire closed enough to accuse him to the emperor’s dubious mother before marrying their queen in a wrestling presentation.
Not clear what the story is, who these characters are, or what they're doing...not even a proper sentence. What is the goal here?
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When a girl addicted to her phone learns that the phone also is addicted to her and won’t let her go, she must find a way to get rid of it before it destroys all aspects of her life. Be it personal, professional, financial, social, physical and spiritual. All aspects are affected.
There's a post and reply somewhere on this site about that formula and why it fails to be compelling -- but also, every story starts when something happens...that's a given. It's a useless word where every syllable matters.
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When a girl addicted to her phone learns that the phone also is addicted to her and won’t let her go, she must find a way to get rid of it before it destroys all aspects of her life. Be it personal, professional, financial, social, physical and spiritual. All aspects are affected.
Always limit a logline to once sentence, 25-30 words, without commas when appropriate. Include the protagonist, antagonist, conflict, and stakes. Try to end on the hook, the inherent irony, so people think "Oh that's interesting..." If they like the logline,…
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After her brother’s death, a college student must track down someone who created a deadly video streaming online who kills anyone who watches it.
If you drop everything in front of the comma it creates a simpler phrase without the unnecessary pause. Also it forces a reader to wonder about "her" when no protagonist has yet been mentioned, and you want a reader to…
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A former tour guide suffering from a rare degenerative retinal disease braves a hostile environment to reach the work of art he most venerates before losing his sight forever.
What kind of hostile environment? A meteoroid hurtling through space and a kindergarten class are very different environments but both could be considered hostile. Loglines should be specific, whereas vague phrases don't really tell us what the movie is about.…
