Nettle

Mentor · 640 points

360 points to Showrunner

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on Disillusioned with social media’s influence, Lightning Girl retires, but she’s forced into one final battle, without superhero powers, when her nemesis, her brother, cuts off Seattle’s water supply.

Is it comedy? It seems where a plot is being forced to a very passive character... (Hancock) and thats one way to do a comedy. I see the wordplay "disillusioned" and a plot where she will illuminate again on bonding…
on After a chance meeting with his high school sweetheart reminds him he’s not who he aspired to be, a responsible 29-year-old risks his healthy relationship and stable career to live the life he dreamt of.

Right now your logline suggests this:When his high-school romance shows up with a promising marriage proposal, an aspiring (??) romantic, committed lad struggles to choose the best partner.I think you know what this lacks and I would like to read…
on Sent directly to earth from the Creator, to raise up their Race of Beings who have fallen prey. Things get deadly.

Look buddy, along with? trying the formula tab of this website, try to exercise:A) Writing a brief that gives your whole idea in few words (one must be able to see the whole movie/story from those few words)B) Writing story…
on Is logline.it a questions answers website like answersmode.com ?

I think layout! But I am sure this is not Quora!????
on Is this good for a first logline

It can be better and more cinematic. This is just an incident that happens in his journey. But you need to mention his journey, his struggles (in writing language - a character's conflict). The character you chose has a great…
on When his reflection changes to a young woman who needs his help, a reclusive author must enter Miraland and lead the rebellion against the crooked regime before the corruption spills into the real world.

Given that your premise is interesting, it lacks clarity. You need to specify the nature of corruption and the threat of crooked regime. What will the crooked regime do that shall affect your character and the Miraland's population?
on A detective being investigated on historic corruption charges becomes an ideal candidate for an off-the books assignment to locate missing evidence.

This is the setup (10 pages max), what about the premise, inner and exterior conflicts, dramatic need. You need to state that in a logline.
on LOGLINE FOR A ‘PSYCH-THRILLER’ In order to restore virtue following a discriminatory arrest, a gutsy but ill-fated escort-worker must withstand and negotiate her way through, the next 24 hours locked-down alongside a parasitic anti-social, who evidently knows more about her than she should.

A premise which will be revealed through dialogues is not a great premise. Write a few pages of your story, if it works after a reread, continue with the plot else this will need a redo.
on When a dedicated Cupid is forced to swap jobs with a despondent Genie, he must complete both assignments on his own to save their jobs and their immortality.

I think you must specify the jobs of the characters rather than the character. Stating Genie and Cupid swapping jobs does not make clear what their job is. You just need to add 'assignment of ..... (E.g, granting a set…
on When he finds himself in the friend zone with the girl of his dreams his senior year of high school, a beta male must climb his way out of this inescapable trap before his Cinderella is stolen from him?.

Follow reviews in your previous loglines. This is not good. Read few books on screenwriting buddy.