1. Posted: December 14, 2019In: ,

    Minutes after a woman flies solo into motherhood with artificial insemination, she meets Mr. Right who thinks she’s his dream girl–but isn’t ready for children.

    wdcurry Logliner

    Using my as-yet paid-for artistic license, this is what i would have done with this: "Despite knowing he was the backup plan for the love of his love, a forlorn man is horrified to realize after helping her get pregnant she just met her Mr. Right, and is determined to win her heart at all costs." ThRead more

    Using my as-yet paid-for artistic license, this is what i would have done with this:

    “Despite knowing he was the backup plan for the love of his love, a forlorn man is horrified to realize after helping her get pregnant she just met her Mr. Right, and is determined to win her heart at all costs.”

    This tracks to a differing place but offers a ramped up plot line.

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  2. Posted: December 9, 2019In: , ,

    When an all-work-no-play high school valedictorian who has gotten into an A-list college discovers her party-animal peers also got into A-list colleges, she resolves to cram four years of fun into one night.

    dpg Singularity

    Wdcurry:Your mind is in the right zone to think of the sequel potential of a premise.? In writing loglines for plots that are already done deals, made movies, I am occasionally torn between? a version that reflects the way I wish the script could have/should have been written and the way it actuallyRead more

    Wdcurry:

    Your mind is in the right zone to think of the sequel potential of a premise.? In writing loglines for plots that are already done deals, made movies, I am occasionally torn between? a version that reflects the way I wish the script could have/should have been written and the way it actually was.

    Your version leads with what? I consider to be the most important element in a logline, the story hook.? And then it follows up with the inciting incident.? The first thing I try to identify is the inciting incident and that usually becomes the lead in the logline.? Out of habit and because that is the common practice.? And? because many times the story hook is embedded in the inciting incident (When a shark starts attacking vacationers at a beach resort…).

    But in this case, the story hook is what the protagonist does in response to the inciting incident.?? And that is what I should have led off with.? You did — two thumbs up.

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  3. Posted: December 7, 2019In:

    After discovering their world is never safe while his magic ring exists, a humble halfling must journey to the fire mountain where it was forged and destroy it while a dark lord seeks it to cover the land in darkness.

    dpg Singularity

    Mikepedley85:I confess that my SOP is to rapidly read a logline and quickly respond with my initial impressions, because that is the SOP? for how a logline will be read and processed by most folks in the industry.?? So, yes, I will occasionally misread a logline. And when I do that raises the questiRead more

    Mikepedley85:

    I confess that my SOP is to rapidly read a logline and quickly respond with my initial impressions, because that is the SOP? for how a logline will be read and processed by most folks in the industry.?? So, yes, I will occasionally misread a logline. And when I do that raises the question of where does the fault lie:? in my demented brain or in the wording of the logline?? Sometimes, the problem is my brain, sometimes the problem could be in the logline, sometimes both.

    In this case, I obviously missed the word “it”.? That said, I? think that “cover the land in darkness”, while metaphorically correct, fails to convey why the ring is such a tempting McGuffin.? Exactly what is so magical about the ring?? What does it mean to “cover the land in darkness”? The magic of the ring is that it gives its owner the power to rule Middle Earth.

    I agree with you that the inciting incident should be framed from the protagonist’s POV.?? And as I said, I don’t think Frodo initially comprehends how dangerous the ring is. Gandalf, older and wiser, does understand.? He has always understood.? But as soon as Frodo inherits the ring, does Gamdalf tell him he must immediately take the quest to destroy it?? No, Gandalf only admonishes him to keep his ownership of the ring a secret.

    Only after Gandalf discovers the dark lord has found out where the ring — the inciting incident — does he tell Frodo he must undertake the journey.

    And yes, loglines for imaginary worlds can be tricky.

    ?

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